i think i killed real live preacher

i didnt mean to i thought resigning as the pastor of covenant baptist church would be its own thing i thought it would remove something from my life that had become

hard

heavy

too much

i thought i could just cut that loose and then i would be free to give real live preacher more time and attention like he always wanted and begged for he always...

In my first post as Pilgrim, I mentioned that I used to be a pastor. I wouldn’t say that I have left the ministry, since all Christians are supposed to serve Christ in some way. I guess I would say that in February of 2010 I discovered that being a pastor is no longer what I am called to do and be.

I haven’t exactly settled on what kind of ministry I will do in the future. I haven’t even found a church to join yet. And it’s not that I haven’t tried. I go to church almost every Sunday. But I’m still in a state of confusion.

I walk into a church and feel rather lost. I see people rushing around, preparing things before worship starts. I know they are church insiders, because I used to be a church insider. I shuffle down a row and sink into a pew. I used to plan worship and be a part of making it happen on Sundays, but now I hardly understand what’s going on. It seems so incredibly busy. And I worry a bit about the ones in charge. I hope their souls have remained tender and open...

Click here to read the rest of this essay.

Foy Davis driving up highway 1 north of Los Angeles in a red Mustang convertible. His left hand is on the steering wheel and his right hand is holding a half-eaten In-N-Out Burger. On the passenger side floor is a cooler filled with Diet Cokes. On the seat beside him is a computer and a bag of Pepperidge Farm Goldfish. He’s listening to the Doobie Brothers Greatest Hits CD and has it turned up loud. A range of steep hills are on the right; the Pacific Ocean is on the left.

He sees a hitchhiker on the right side of the road. As he passes the man, they make eye contact. Foy turns his head, watching the hitchhiker until he is looking at him over the back seat. He looks forward to check the road and then into the rear view mirror. The man is still watching Foy’s car.

“Holy shit, that guy looks just like me.”

Read the rest of this story at my new blog - Tertium Squid.

Do you have the perseverance to find something unique in one leaf, pulled from a tree full of leaves that any reasonable person would say are identical?

Or did you want to be a reasonable person?

Read this essay at the Laity Lodge website.

And now I’m at this retreat listening to Cliff and Christine Warner talk about their family with its wonderful Sabbath tradition of sharing carefully planned meals with their children and how they like to invite friends over for nutritious, locally grown, beautifully prepared meals that feed both body and soul. They seem to be living Babette’s Feast while my life looks like the cafeteria scene from Animal House...

Read this essay at the Laity Lodge website.

And now I’m at this retreat listening to Cliff and Christine Warner talk about their family with its wonderful Sabbath tradition of sharing carefully planned meals with their children and how they like to invite friends over for nutritious, locally grown, beautifully prepared meals that feed both body and soul. They seem to be living Babette’s Feast while my life looks like the cafeteria scene from Animal House...

Read this essay at the Laity Lodge website.

I've put a page up at my new blog for those who wish to purchase my books and CDs.

Purchase books at Tertium Squid.

Thanks,

Gordon