Covenant Stories: No Right Answers
Thu, 07/09/2009 - 08:30 | rlp
Story #18 in the Covenant series
The next chapter in our story is one I tell with fear and trembling. It is one of the lowest moments in our church history - at least for me. My fear is not of telling the story but of being the only one to tell the story. I’m sure everyone who was involved remembers it in their own way and with their own spin. At the time I felt trapped in the middle, trying to hold the church together, trying to keep everyone happy, and trying to do the right thing. In the end several families left our church and others were very angry with me. It was one of the few times in my life when no amount of good intentions or careful negotiation could prevent a painful outcome. There seemed to be no right answers.
It was 1998 and we were still meeting at Rolling Oaks Christian Church. We had just formalized our agreement with Trinity Baptist Church to move forward with our plans for a building of our own. With their financial backing and help, for the first time I felt confident that our church would survive and put a building on our land. It all began with a phone call from a nervous-sounding woman. She was cautious in speaking to me but very clear and straightforward.
“My name is Mary.* I’m an ordained Baptist minister and a chaplain at a hospital here in town. I’m in a long-term, monogamous relationship with a woman. Her name is Karen...
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To me, the nonreligious guy,
To me, the nonreligious guy, this wasn't a story about the issue of homosexuality splitting a church apart, but about the inevitability of a divisive issue arising when people aren't as aligned as they thought they were. To me, the lesson is that the families were going to leave anyway all along--at which point you're left with either having done right or done wrong before that point.
Not to try to teach you anything, but just to try to articulate what it meant to me.
No, you're right. This is a
No, you're right. This is a story about not talking about something and then finding out that, as you said, we weren't as aligned as we thought.
This is a story about a minister who got out in front of his people. And this is the story of how you have to be honest about the community, not just what you wish the community was.
And it is the story about how sometimes things cannot be set right.
And yes, those folks would have left anyway, and I'm glad they left. Not because I didn't like them, but I think they were out of step with the community on this issue. They are probably happier in their new church, and I'm certainly happier not having to deal with them.
Where
Hi, rlp. In the postlogue to your story you mention an essay you wrote here once. Could you provide a link to it? Or email a link to me? Many thanks! eric
Sure, here it
Sure, here it is:
http://www.reallivepreacher.com/node/867
There is a follow-up to it that is linked at the top. This was originally written in 2003, I believe.
Thanks!
I remember reading that, now. In fact, when I asked for the link, I remembered reading it... but had no idea where to go to look for it in order to read it again. I also enjoyed reading the follow up again.
A lot has been written about homosexuality in the bible. If it is at all in your interest, you might track down Daniel Helminiak's treatment of the subject or what can be found on www.wouldjesusdiscriminate.com. There's really a great deal out there.
eric l. hays-strom
I am always stunned by your
I am always stunned by your insight and your honesty.
I belong to a Baptist church. We call ourselves "Christ-centered, Interracial, Inclusive." I am grateful that I arrived, looking for exactly such a place, AFTER the hard work to get there had been done. But I have been in other churches that are still working through the details. And it is HARD. No matter how well you know people, no matter how much you love people, dealing with those sorts of issues is just hard work that WILL result in pain all around as you work together to get the right place for you as a person, you as a congregant, you as a minister, you as a church.