As a former ministry family we so understand this need. It changed everything for us and it's so much better. We're so much healthier. So much more in tune with ourselves, each other and God.

Our holding up all of the pieces never allowed for us to really understand what it was that we really liked about our faith and loved about God. Setting it all down and coming back to it ourselves has been extraordinarily good for us. Praying the same happens for you, Jeannie and the girls.

We're here for you, listening.

I'll be here.
-AF

that first comment was mine - forgot to log in...

Gordon,

Your writing has been therapeutic for me over the years and it is only right as a brother that I should be willing to return the favor. Process away.

Peace
Hook

I am a pastor and have shared these feelings for about 5 years. I've just never "pulled the trigger." So I am intently listening, I'm listening so that I might hear His voice. Who knows, maybe as you wade through your stuff it will help me wade through my stuff.

Sorry, I don't want to be anonymous - Tony

I suspect that the Foy writings were your playground in the imagination of the afterlife of ministry. So...I can't say I'm shocked as it "sounded" like you had been considering this for a little while.

As Steve Jobs told those Stanford grads in 2005:

"If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today? Whenever the answer is 'no' for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something."

Here, listening, waiting to see where your journey will take you next. Blessings, my brother.

Mary+

and i think that all fifty of us will be listening with compassion and grace.
you still have a lot of passion and energy. we want to hear you.

Wow. Big news. That must have been one hard decision to make...

You look tired. I hope you soon find peace.
Here, listening

andy

it's hard to listen and not immediately respond sometimes, especially when the person talking is someone who you really admire and care about. so i'll set aside the many thoughts i have about this (already) and just be all ears. i hope you count yourself as #51 and listen to yourself closely as well. - hughman

by a sufficiently large percentage as to break the 3 digit mark. And yes. We'll listen to you, be your online pastor, if you will. eric

-
I look forward to reading what you have to say on the matter, Gordon. The conversation will be decidedly one-sided for the most part, but I'm sure there will be plenty of the 50 who will chime in with support and opinions of their own. Thanks for trusting to have the conversation here!

Right there with you. Hoping and praying the best for you and your family. Especially hoping the next chapter is one of renewal, discovery, and intimacy with God.

Holy cr*p!
Oh my God.
How incredibly hard that must have been.
Any way I can help, I will.

I've been to that place and left it in a very different way than you have. Add me to those who are willing to listen and who will try to hear.

Peace
JP

I'm listening with much interest. You've always been one of my favorite bloggers. I can't help but listen. :-)

W. Lotus

Say whatever you need to say. Ministers need ministers too and if we serve in that capacity, so be it.

Elle (eighthsacrament)

Please let us work through it with you.

Yes, preacher, talk it out with us. We'll be here.

Joey (ex-christian butch lesbian jew -- and a pastor's daughter. I get it.)

Arhhh changes - sometimes they are exciting, sometimes they are scary... Process your thinking as you can Gordon - we will listen
Janet McK - from Aus

Glad to be able to help by being one of the many listeners.

...I'm all ears

Best - Roy

I thought you handled Sunday with a good deal of grace and care, Gordon, and was honored to have been present on this most unusual of Sundays for you and for Covenant. I'll look forward to hearing more about what's going on down deep for you and your family.

-Sean

I was upset for a moment, and then I realized it was because I probably won't get to come to Covenant and get a hug, but I know that you and Covenant are both plenty strong enough to survive separately. Now I don't know where I'll see you but I know it will be before too long. Thanks for inviting us on the journey.

Let's hear it!

Is that the title of my sermon on Feb 7 is "It Matters Most What We Love."

RLP,

I know something of your pain, your confusion and your need to talk it out. I'll listen to whatever you need to say

(Another) Tony

I'm listening.

Say your peace, preacher. I'm listening.

I'll miss that hug, too, but I will be listening.

RLP,

Thanks for including us in this process.

I'm a pastor, and I identify with the parts you've already shared. My soul often feels "shredded" too. I worry about the long-term effects this will have on my life and my faith, and I admire your courage to follow another path.

Your writing has been an incredible source of inspiration and help to me over the past few years. I'll be eager to hear what you have to say about this.

I hope and pray you find the peace and the restoration you are looking for. I will be praying for your community of faith too.

RLP: Sunday was my 2nd "at home" after resigning when told a new roof on the building was more important than my salary. I get it - I'll listen, you talk - you listen to all of us!

RPS

say whatever you need to. We'll be here.

Life has different seasons, and with each season comes change -- that's what I keep learning!
I'll be listening and praying for you and your family in this time of change.
As always, thanks for your honesty.

Laurie

http://www.africakidandtheworld.blogspot.com/

I really really do appreciate it. It's nice just writing and pretending you know the people who are "listening." This is complex stuff for me. And there are a number of things I have to figure out.

1. How will I make a living? Yikes! I have extra work at Jethro right now designing and managing drupal projects. And some writing opportunities. But this is a risky move.

2. What will church be like for me? Will I continue at Covenant? I don't have any other plans right now. Will I end up just a member?

3. What will my own Christianity look like now?

4. What about rlp? Will I still be a preacher? Will I go other places and preach sometimes? Will this place become the place of my proclamation? What would that look like? Or do I drop that name altogether? What am I now?

Well if there is only 50 - I would like to be assigned number 49 - Never liked being in the front and don't want to be last - so 49 seems like a good number... and it's my age this year... so as you move through life I will enertain myself here with your musings... I like being around people who make me think... and you are one of those people... so from #49 here's to the journey...

The greatest gift anyone has ever given me is the honor to listen, truly listen to what is in their heart and their soul. Of course, I promise to listen with my heart.

thank goodness for RSS feeds...
when Google calls, I come...
I know there will be something there for me...
how selfish for me to be fed at no charge.

I just finished reading 'turtles'...
your honesty overwhelms me and triggers hope in my heart.

and I am sure there are waayyy more than 50...
just like me :)
jan

Before I went to seminary (not ordination track, my choice) I knew only one pastor. During and after seminary, I came to be friends with many. And one of the things I learned was the gulf--the great gap--between the Pastor and the Congregation. Maybe that gap shouldn't be there (for aren't we all in this endeavor together?)--maybe some day we can figure out some kind of local church organization in which so much of the spiritual energy, enthusiasm, and wisdom is not expected to come from one single role.

Barbara Brown Taylor (as I am sure you know) has written most movingly about her experiences in moving from one kind of pastoral role to another, and a friend of mine (formerly an Episcopal priest) is blogging about her own post-pastoral experiences, which sound like some of the things you have written about (I'll e-mail you the link).

I think you should keep the rlp name, because there is more than one way to be a pastor. But there's only one rlp!

I personally think there are a lot more of us than 50 (grin)! I'll be glad to listen and help in any way I can.

I really admire people who have the courage to make big decisions and follow their heart. Praying for contentment in your soul and peace from the Lord.

consider our ears bent.

-paulsoup

.

Gordon,

Hugs. It takes a community. We are here to support you in whatever way we can. I hope breaking the silence with your blog family was/is helpful. Not sure you can remain at Covenant. Covenant will have a hard time moving on if you are there, and whoever ultimately is called will need the space. As for whether you are a preacher since you are no longer the pastor of a church ... whenever two or three are gathered ... and are not we gathered? Seems to me the title of "preacher" is limited to those who teach and minister the word of God in his/her own words - and you do that in spades in Real Live Preacher. Dave

hey there.

our books came out at about the same time, and i've always appreciated the relationship we shared as writers.

i said this on facebook, but to repeat -- i so, so, SO respect a pastor who knows when to let go, and willingly does so.

as you know, i was severely abused by the church, and i know that more than a few of those people who hurt me were not living their calling anymore.

i am honoured to listen and process this with you. i am grateful you are willing to process it online, and to allow others into your reality with you.

you have always been encouraging, inspirational, and one of those people who kept reminding me there was a real god beyond the one i grew up with. thank you for that. i hope that somehow i can return the favor, even if in a very tiny bit.

(renee altson)

Just ask. Or don't ask, just be in touch when you want.

Went through a similar experience, but oddly enough, a somewhat reverse of yours. I left 14 years of full time teaching, including 9 at university level, for full time music ministry. I wish someone had been there at the time to listen.

I hope you can figure this out. I am waiting with open eyes to hear what you have tp say. I think I am comment 51 so maybe there are a few more then 50 out there.

Blessing,

Bill
bill.finley@gmail.com

Making that decision and sharing it with your congregation took strength. Sharing it with all of us must take even more. We're here for you as you work through this.

Monica

Gordon,

Wow. You really did it. That took courage. I know you still have a lot of questions, (because I just read them up there), but I hope you can write your way to the answers, while we here listen, and hold you in the Light.

It will be like a big virtual Quaker Meeting for Clearness.

In peace,
Donna

I get excited by a thought or an idea, and I want to talk.

So listening, really listening well, is something that I have to do deliberately and with purpose.

And so I will listen, with as much grace, peace and presence as I am able.

I stand among your many brother and sisters here. fire away...I'm listening, believing in you, breathing, and praying.

kel

I found that I had to make a significant change about every five years through my teaching career, whether it was something "big" like getting married (at 33!), or changing teaching subjects, or taking on new extracurricular stuff, or just "outside" stuff like learning to fire and drive steam locomotives in the summers.

The changes involving church often seemed to be the most difficult, because, once one took on a role, people tended to act as if it were "yours", and they couldn't possibly do it instead. And I wasn't the preacher! That role has way too much inherent expectation by other people. (Of course, the preacher may load himself up with expectations that are too much, but he/she also suffers from those that are loaded on)

Time to move on. You have to work out how you deal with it, while the "others" can be left to do what matters to them. You may have been able to advise them, but they have to actually do the adjustments themselves. ("Change must come from within, Grasshopper")

But we (I see I'm somewhere around #43 in these comments) will be here to hear you and offer support.

Horseman Bree

When the time is right for you, I will listen.
Peace

Gordon what a blessing that you can see so clearly and be so courageous. I'm sure it stinks to be in your congregation right now--it breaks a congregant's heart when a beloved pastor goes--but it is far far better to follow your calling than to fake one you haven't got!! Callings change, and congratulations for recognizing it in your own life!

I would be honored to part of the listening and discernment process for you, as you dig through what's going on here and what's coming next. I *love* the idea of RLP standing for "real live lay person". :)

Textjunkie

Based on your writing, it's not a surprise for those of us "listening", even if it feels like something of a surprise for you. 17 years is a *long* time in a pastoral position, for anyone. It is good for the pastor and the flock to have things shaken up now and again (about as often as people buy new homes is the average I hear). I look forward to listening for you as you process this, and seeing what highs and lows it brings you.

I'm here

781 630-1609

regan.mark@gmail.com

Seriously, I feel compelled. I'm here

Mark

I wouldn't be surprised if you opened a Near-Baptist Friends Meeting in San Antonio with a bit of contemplative sitting thrown in for spice.

rev mommy

I am listening.

God moves us in mysterious ways. You've been Spirit-full for all the years I've read you. Be well .

I hope you noticed that I was smiling for you on Sunday. I wanted there to be one (at least) non-tearful face encouraging you on in your new efforts. We love you and want what's best for you more than we want anything from you in the way of working for us. I will be listening here, at Covenant, and in my living room -- or whereever the hell you want anytime you want. Bank on it. You, too, Nene! Kisses and big hugs. Cynthia

When the days were dark and there was little hope, you were there for me and you didn't even know it. I'd like to be among those who quietly 'hear' what you have to say - you might not know I'm here, but I am. You helped me return to who I am and where I should be. Thank you.

Talk to us. We will listen.

What ever direction your life and writing takes next, we all hope to go along with you.

alan

Hey Gordon,

God has other plans for you. I guess we should sit here and take stock of our surroundings and ponder why we are here at the moment. They say if you don't know where you are going - better to stay where you are.

I sure we will figure this out with time and prayer.

Jeremy

I'm eager to see where God leads you. You've been given a very unique set of spiritual gifts, and no doubt something RLP-ish is a-brewin'. ... I'll be lurking here to find out what it is -- whenever you're ready to spill.

God's blessings to you, brother.

Keep on keepin' it real.

Jennifer @ Getting Down With Jesus

We all love you Gordon. As much as we can without knowing you in person. I will be listening hard, and praying for you.

God bless you.

I've come here to this blog for years when I feel like the world is a harsh, unkind place, because I know there's gentleness here. So. There's gentleness here, too, on the other side of the server. Sending you and your family good, strong, brave thoughts, and listening.

Megan

Wow. Thanks everyone. Too much almost. thank you thank you thank you.

Listening. What's good for you seems to be good for all 50 of us.

Bob G

spidey's here to join ranks with hugh, sparks, LGF, and textjunkie. pirates stand together.

Honored to help on any way. Huge choice for you to make, no easy way that, and I am so moved at your honesty w/yourself and your church. Here to listen and support any way I can, especially as you've gotten the increasingly strong call to write, and write more. I hope that more & more people will be able to access what you've written, b/c now more than ever I feel our increasingly broken world is starving for words of hope, of justice, of courage. You have much to say, and you say it so vividly, so humbly and so eloquently. Bravo for living this truth. Know I too am here to listen and to support you on this new path. Love to you & all your family as you move forward. - Janine G

I understand and am definitely listening ... and praying

last anonymous was from me
Serena

I'm here for you now Gordon. Perhaps I can learn why I no longer want to be a part of a church by learning about why you are no longer driven to lead an "official" congregation. For now, these fifty few are my church and you are my pastor.

Becky Villarreal

We've been listening to you as 'official' preacher, now we're listening to you as just a preacher. But we're still listening.

p.s. if you come to the UK you *must* let me buy you a beer or a coffee.

David

I began reading your blog in your first year of posting; it seemed to me even then you were then headed to this conclusion -- maybe only because I was in the process of leaving myself (though I left much, much earlier than you).

You are allowed to move on -- and to do so without guilt or shame or some sense of failure or breach of commitment. You performed as a pastor far longer than most. You gave and gave and gave. You can't give in this same way anymore without destroying the self you can live with. You've earned the right to leave with your head held high.

Go and be filled with joy and expectation anew.

Lauren

PS And yes we very much want to "listen" to how your ending and new beginning unfolds emotionally, spiritually, and physically.

We're listening.
Honoured to be here.

I 'pulled the trigger' myself in late November of last year, after only 5.5 years of ministry. My advice (free and worth every penny, as they say): be gentle with yourself. And keep writing.

Together we serve,
Julie C.

From what I've read over the years, I can see you're pulled in many directions. A great number of things planned and unplanned. You've shared some of them here, with the world, but I'm sure you've kept many to yourself as well. And now you've got more jobs than I can immediately recall. I'm not surprised you're feeling shredded in the one job that requires you to take other peoples troubles and stresses and very soul into your own. I don't pretend to know what you're thinking and feeling, really, but I wonder if you're not losing your calling so much as needing some time to refresh and rebuild your own soul, give it time to relax and find direction and connection once again, concentrate on picking yourself up for a little while.

No matter; I'll be here to check in and pay attention.

BretCB

Gordon

Ginger and I both know your heart and we are with you, my friend. I understand what this kind of change means, and what it feels like for a calling to change. We love you.

Peace,
Milton

I've been here, mostly lurking, since the beginning. Wow, we've been through some changes, huh? I'll be praying for you, your family and Covenant. And listening, as always.

Peace,
Travis

I too have been a-lurkin' through your blog, and I appreciate how you want to share your heart through this process. I have always found your writing honest and authentic, and I'll be here to share with you on this new journey.

-John,
ALifeRooted.com

Zanna's here...Thanks for letting me see so much of your heart over the years. You've moved me more that most in my life.

Process on, G.

Zanna

That's a big step! Not an easy one, I'm sure. I do enjoy your writing. Wishing you the best.
Katie

I figure I'm reader #997. But I just want to point out that if you have been with the Covenant congregation for 20 years, pastoring them for the last 17, you've already done a huge thing for this flock. Of course I want to read your reflections on your departure, and learn what it will mean for this next part of your life. But it is not surprising you would want to move on. It may even be helpful to Covenant that you move on, though I doubt anyone there will be seeing it that way now. It will bring growth for you both.

closet pentecostalist

Listening and praying for you xxx

God be with you on your journey. I look forward to hearing more from you. God's peace.

Mark (MN Lutheran)

Change is hard. Hope that you continue writing, you are so talented. I am sending support and prayers for you and your family. Connie

Hi RLP,

Just decided to look in on you today, to see how you're doing, and here you are with this earthquake. I'm sure this is very tough for you right now. I know you will pray and seek God with all your heart and He will point out the way.

I used to believe that it would take "Wild Horses." to move me from my appointed spot on the land of Christianity, and while it was an indescribable time, it was all in His hands.

Take your time. We will be listening and praying for you.

Kim

Wow.....I'm so glad you could do this for yourself.

On the lighter side of things...what will you call your blog now?:P

Australian Aborigines go for what they call a "walkabout". On this journey, they visit places, be it a stone or a rock, which they call following the "song lines". At each place, they listen to their ancestors and through the journey and the connections begin to learn about themselves. Perhaps it is time for a pilgrimage, Gordon?
Rod

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. This must have been a hard decision for you to make. Ever since beggining to follow this blog during your visits to Orthodox Churches, I have always thouroughly enjoyed reading here. As you search for the "deeper reasons" for your resignation, allow your heart to become, in the words of St. Nektarios a "throne of God" and trust in Him to guide you where you may go.

May God bless you and keep you for many years!

Of course we will all be here, reading and listening. I look forward to learning more about the changes you're facing.

That last one was from me... I got logged out!

Clearly, there are more than fifty of us, since I believe mine will be the 100th comment....? ;-)

I am more than interested in listening to what you have to say. I know the "shredded" feeling, even though I've never been in charge of a congregation. I guess just more on a smaller, personal level...

In any case, change is often good and if you feel the pull to write, then I say go for it, with gusto. You are an excellent writer and your talent will be more than sufficient to support your desires (or God's, as they may be....)

I look forward to reading and processing right along with you.

I'll be reading. As usual.

Best,
Wendy

And wishing you the best on this new journey

Ana

your influence in my life continues now for 20 years. May God continue to guide you and your family in your journey. Blessings on you all.

You are still RLP to me....whether that is real live preacher or real live PERSON! I feel fortunate to have been able to meet and worship with you andthe flock at Covenant a couple of times, but feel like I really know you best thru your writings! Thanks for letting me be a part of your audience. I will continue to pray for you, your family, and the church.
Cindy McBrayer, Lubbock TX

You've consciously made a leap into the unknown. Not because you were pushed (which is what it takes for some of us *she said pointing at herself*), but because something in you knows that's the only place to find the truthful "next."

IMO, the blind leaps into the void are the times everything is stripped away and we can see what we are and where we need to go. The scary part is having the faith that once you've seen where you need to go, there will be a reachable path to it.

Process away. You are brave and true. I will appreciate it.

Presbyterian Gal/LJ

encourage me with your honest sincerity even in light of uncertainty. A common element among some of your past entries - this has given me hope in my own uncertainty. Thanks for trusting us enough to share, yet again, in your journey. Listening to you is easy, a priviledge, you've given so much to me, us...
Prayers for you and your family,
db

You are always welcome with us in the East.

It is obvious that you have more than 50 dedicated fans! Hang in there Godon, and thank you for the inspiration and comfort that you bring to many. Your South African fan - Leslie

I'm here, listening and holding you and your whole family in prayer as you discern what's up next for you. There's something great coming for you Gordon, I can feel it! I'll be praying for Covenant as well, as they work to figure out what's next for them.

Many hugs and blessings -
Heather

RLP,
As you ponder what your future holds (and we listen), I want to say thank you for your writing: it has had a big impact on my spiritual development. You have a gift.
-K

Gordon,

Blessings to you in all of this.

I hope you continue writing here, but you must do whatever you feel is better for yourself, as well as everyone else.
Thank you so much for being here at the point when I was looking for just that something.
Your gentle power is unique, encouraging and inspiring.

And whenever I sit and read my "better" version of the bible, with the pocket guide, etc. I think of you and how we never know where or when God uses us. Or others. And how exquisite that mystery is and should remain.

deb @ talk at the table

and the new journey begins...

thank you for always being so honest with us. it's remarkably refreshing and precious (in the most serious sense of the word)...

i look forward to the rest of the road with you. it always has been our honour and privilege to share this journey with you :)

peace

(ssi.)

Someone shared this with me. I share it with you.
It is about the path you will explore.
"Every single one of us has a "good work" to do in this life. This good work not only accomplishes something needed in the world, but completes something in us. When it is finished new work emerges that will help us to make green a desert place as well as to scale another mountain in ourselves. The work we do in the world, when it is true vocation, always corresponds in some mysterious way, to the work that goes on within us . . With each new stage of life new work emerges in us. In all likelihood it was there from the beginning, waiting to be claimed for the development of our personalities and gifts. Vocation is always deeply related to those changes that take place in us in our journey toward the freedom to be ourselves, God's word and work in the universe." Elizabeth O'Connor Cry Pain, Cry Hope
Listening as you explore the mystery of your life and work.
revnup

Gordon,

50 people eh? Not so sure about that one based on how much reading I've just done!

Look, I know you feel all mixed up about this, but I think something both within and without you knows exactly what you're doing... but of course it's scary!

There's a lot I could say, but as you've asked, I'll listen first.

But know this: whether this new turn in your journey leads to chaos or calm is not the point. That you have not ignored the direction your road is leading is far more important.

Your and your writings have been more important to my life than you can ever know and I thank you.

Keep on,
David

And here's something to consider, from my own tradition. One becomes a Rabbi by virtue of training, not by having a congregation. I don't see why this wouldn't apply to you, too. If you still feel like a preacher (real, unreal, whatever), keep the name.

If you are swinging on a trapeze, there comes a moment when you reach the outer limit of the swing. For each swing a decision must be made: do I hang on or do I let go ready to grasp the next trapeze? This is always the scary bit. In order to grasp the next one, you have to let go, but the drop is gaping and it takes huge nerve. I think we have to be made fairly uncomfortable where we are to be ready to take that risk. I am sure your virtual community is widespread, many and varied. We are watching and waiting and feel honoured to be given an insight into your decisions. We will still be here. Thank you for all you have shared so far. I hope you will be aware of God's arms underneath you and your family as you make this transition.

Rachel (UK)

But if it helps, continue to think of a more comfortable 50 :) Just realized I have been pondering your words and forwarding entry links to friends since 2005. I'll continue to read and ponder, embarassed that it's taken me so long but relieved that I have now, finally, added "pray for my online friend Gordon and his family" to the mix.

renee from GA

Gordon -my mum always said "no matter what - live a life of love". This more than anything shone through in your writing. It is the people you meet, care for and love that has made your writing more than a piece of skilled or professional prose. I know you will continue to live this life and hope you might be able to continue to share it with us. We'll be still be here!

you were always a writer I read, who also happened to be a person of faith.

The first word of your blog is "real", and one of its definitions is authentic. That is why I've been attracted to your writings. You are perhaps the only preacher that I know who really is authentic. If you have doubts like we all have, you're not afraid to express them. And sometimes you even use a word that no other preacher would use but is totally appropriate in the context of your ideas.

As others have already noted, there are far more than 50 of us here to whom you have connected and touched our hearts. And I suspect that the larger "faith community" (whatever that is) would be receptive to your message.

s/Sister Marie