Spam & Grey Poupon
Tue, 07/08/2008 - 12:04 | rlp
Once I ate a piece of fried Spam with Grey Poupon on it. I was fully aware of the irony of this. Indeed, I took great pleasure contemplating it during the meal. And I thought it was delicious.
Whatever that says about me is true.
I like cake icing a lot. The more the better. The only thing that stops me from fighting children for the corner piece of cake at birthday parties is knowing I would look ridiculous. I will, however, try to position myself in line so that I might be given the corner piece. If handed the corner piece of cake, I will likely protest briefly, saying "that's way too much icing, but okay if you insist."
Whatever that says about me is true.
I have loved Pepperidge Farm Goldfish Crackers for a quarter of a century. I only eat the Parmesan cheese version. Unfortunately, Pepperidge Farm has a problem with product consistency. Some Goldfish are salted less than others, and some are puffier with a powdery texture that I don’t like. I learn the batch numbers and look through the packages on the shelves for good batches. Currently you should stay away from anything beginning with a D or a W. The RU series is pretty good.
Whatever that says about me is true.
I have always found it difficult to believe in things that seem unbelievable. When presented with a story in the Bible, I can’t help running it through my epistemological filters. And if I don’t think it happened, no amount of wishing, wanting, or denying can change my mind. I can gently avoid the subject. I can participate in the faith community’s worship. I can appreciate the beauty of the scripture in question and even speak intelligently about its archetypal value in a world of human myth and dreams. But if I don’t believe it, I just don’t. I’m not proud of this. I’m not ashamed of it. It’s simply a fact about me.
There is one exception to this. I have mustered enough emotional and mental energy to give assent to a small set of central Christian doctrines. This gift to God of my willing belief is the most sacred and vulnerable thing I can give to anyone. It’s the only thing I can give to the God who has everything. So I give it with love, knowing that it is a small and unimportant gift in the universe. I give this gift like a child who makes a homemade card and hopes his parents will put it on the front of the refrigerator.
Whatever that says about me is true.
I never got over not having a son, though I would not trade the three sisters for anything in the world, even a son. But that is a wound that will never heal. The only thing I have to give to the son I never had is carrying that sorrow and thinking about him sometimes. I still call him Elliot.
Whatever that says about me is true.
I can be a very crude and vulgar person, not out of malice or a desire to be rude or offend people. I just don’t seem to have the same boundaries that other people have. Sex and death and bodies and fluids seem very natural to me. I think that words like shit or fuck or damn or hell are just words. A lot of very funny things involve crude or dark subjects, and coarse language is a part of human speech. If I’m with close friends, I can be pretty vulgar. But I try not to offend people who would be offended by that kind of thing.
Whatever that says about me is true.
I could go on and on. There are things about me that I’m ashamed of and will not speak of publicly. And there are things about me that are even goofier than these I have mentioned. There are silly parts of me, proud parts of me, and vain parts of me. Some parts of me you might find adorable. And there are some parts of me that if you knew about them you might say, “Dude, you have a problem.”
To which I might say, “You mean a bigger problem than putting Grey Poupon on Spam, combing through bags of Goldfish Crackers in the supermarket, and bursting into tears when someone says Elliot?”
Now this is important. This is what I’ve been building to the whole time, though when I started this little piece weeks and weeks ago, I thought it would just be about putting Grey Poupon on Spam, which at the time seemed rather funny to me. But here we are at the end, and now something else has come to mind.
Whatever is true about you is true about you. I know that statement is absurd, but it works in the same way that “It is what it is” works. It is a good thing to say because we live in a culture that is heavily saturated with marketing, and it's easy for us to start thinking that what we say about ourselves is what's true.
It isn’t.
What is true about you is what is true about you. And no amount of denying and pretending and covering up will ever change that. Sure, you can fool people for awhile, but you are the sum total of all the things that are true about you. And what we’ve always said about God is that God knows the truth about us.
Saying that God knows us is a spiritual statement of faith, but the deeper truth remains whether or not you believe in God. What is true about you is who you are. You are not who you want to be. You are not who you hope to be. You are not the person that others think you are.
You are the person who is defined by what you choose and what you truly desire and what you really think and believe. That’s who you are. If you want to begin any kind of spiritual or metaphysical or personal journey, that’s where you should begin. You should begin by owning who you are.
It’s called spiritual poverty in our tradition. Jesus began his most famous words with this innocent sounding but profound statement:
“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.”
If I was only allowed to keep one verse from the New Testament, that would be the one.
rlp
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Delurking for the first time
Delurking for the first time (ok, maybe not, but if I have posted before it is so long ago I can't remember) as a long-time reader, frequent linker and big fan. It was the goldfish thing that pushed me over the edge. I just couldn't let that go unacknowledged! I have to admire that kind of anal retentive attention to detail ( and I will assume that your bodily-fluid loving self won't be offended by that statement!). Thanks for this post. It's not the only one that's deeply affected me and I'm sure it won't be the last. You've restored my faith in faith more times than I can count.
lol, Yes, I can be a bit
lol,
Yes, I can be a bit compulsive. Well, let's go ahead and admit that "a bit" and "compulsive" probably don't ever belong in the same sentence. So okay. Yes.
I've always thought I would have made a good standup comic because I don't miss a lot of little details, though I often have trouble remembering the kind of details that other people remember. I might not remember what day it is, but I might remember how a guy looked when he ate a sandwich back in 1987.
Oh, yes
This is so true and so deep. As I grapple with diagnosis with a chronic illness, I wonder, am I changed by it? Or because of it? Or essentially myself, despite it?
Pondering...
A gift with love
-
RLP, I think that your gift of willing belief, with love, is very far from a small and unimportant gift in the universe. Small gifts, especially wrapped in love, are often the very most meaningful.
Thank you for writing this.
What that says
It is a little unsettling that you know the many different varieties of goldfish. Who would have thought! It seems to me that you are a very busy guy --- and to think you that you actually have time to study such anomalies is surprising!
David
I can be a very crude and
I can be a very crude and vulgar person, not out of malice or a desire to be rude or offend people. I just don’t seem to have the same boundaries that other people have. Sex and death and bodies and fluids seem very natural to me. I think that words like shit or fuck or damn or hell are just words. A lot of very funny things involve crude or dark subjects, and coarse language is a part of human speech. If I’m with close friends, I can be pretty vulgar. But I try not to offend people who would be offended by that kind of thing.
I wonder about this sometimes. Cussing has never really bothered me until I had kids. I feel it's a more dramatic (and therefore, better) way of communicating. My oldest child is coming up on four now, I do my best to watch my mouth. I'm getting better, but sometimes I wonder how important it is.
I realize this was just a small part of the post, but I'd love to hear you explore that cussing thing in more detail sometime.
Yeah, I've written about it
Yeah, I've written about it before. And I've answered probably 100 emails about this over the years. How can you say that and call yourself a minister? all of that. Honestly, it's gotten rather tiring. I can boil it all down to a few bullet points.
1. I don't find anything in the New Testament about coarse language and language that honestly expresses anger, etc. So I don't worry about it.
2. I don't speak this way around people who would be bothered or children. I do find New Testament guidance to avoid offending people for silly reasons.
3. In writing, the burden of honesty supersedes (most of the time) the burden of avoiding giving offense. I can't make everyone happy in writing. So I'll write what seems right and true to me and gladly leave the burden of avoiding offense to the reader. If I offend, please don't come back. For heaven's sake don't read stuff that offends you.
4. There is so much that matters in the world, so much that is important, so much evil done by the church, so much truth that has been avoided in order to fit in with polite society, that I can't bring myself to worry about vulgar language. I think it sounds wonderful, is expressive and funny. And truthfully, almost EVERYONE uses it whenever they can get away with it. Even if that is privately.
5. If church people are offended by this, then maybe they need to be offended. Again, my job is writing he way that seems right to me in the moment. The reader must decide if that has any value.
two quick comments
First - offense is always with the receiver. The giver of the words may or may not intend offense, but the receipt of offense is always at the CHOICE of the receiver. We can be like Jesus and turn the other cheek - his example of how to deal with offense or we can be full of pride and say how dare he say that to me and feel hurt - which is actually a selfish response looking for sympathy.
Second - I have learnt this in life. Sometimes you can read stuff that contains things you learn from and inside that there is something that you dont agree with. Eg you read a book that has 90% stuff you agree with and 10% stuff where you think the writer is whacky, stupid or just plain wrong. My advice is do not throw out the 90% because of the 10%. Refer back to point 1
As far as I know, no writer
As far as I know, no writer has ever been lionized for how well he avoided wielding the language of the zeitgeist.
Nor lionessized, for that matter.
Why yes, I *am*
Why yes, I *am* lioness-sized! Thanks for noticing!
What a beautiful and
What a beautiful and profound piece of self-disclosure. I thought of the prodigal wallowing in the stench of the far country who one day "came to himself." No more delusions. No more pretending.
My dorm mother in college was a tall, stately, godly, Texas woman. She used a word for me in those days that might fit your own self-appraisal. The word was "earthy." I took it as a compliment.
I admire and look up to you
I admire and look up to you alot Gordon. Just thought I'd say that. There are a few men who I hold as "heros" so to speak, and you're one of them. Definetly.
I think if I would choose just one verse in the NT to keep, it would be, "My grace is sufficient for you, and my power is made perfect in weekness."
How do you do that?
I have come over the years to comment to my wife, when she does something that is amazing and can only be done in the way in which she does it because she is who she is - to say, "How do you do that?!" I marvel at our individual ability to be truly ourselves, to write a story that no one else can possibly write because it is unique to us.
I read this piece and wondered with gladness at your unique gift. So, Gordon, I say to you with great joy, "How do you do that?!"
Being and Becoming
Wow! I really liked this essay. It touches on things that intrigue and disturb me. I believe that it is true that our choices and our actions are a reflection of what we truly believe, especially during a crisis. I know I often fall short of being the type of person that I would like to believe that I am or could be. I am often conflicted when faced with a decision. My faith has never given me simple answers, and all to often "want to" wins out over "ought to" in those internal battles. In fact, one sure way to get me to dig in my heels and refuse to change something is by telling me that I "ought to" do something. I need to see a meaningful reason for any change in my life, and yet, my heart longs for stronger faith, and deeper relationships... I just don't know how to get from here to there. How do you reach out and take hold of something and make it real and meaningful... and purposeful? Life should be more than just surviving, and paying the bills, and trying to protect your loved ones.
Maybe somewhere in all of those words is the thing I am trying to say. If nothing else, know that I really liked your essay.
Carol
This made me laugh and
This made me laugh and think, which is always a good combination (from henceforth, I think I'll call it the Pixar factor).
And it's a great character study. I wonder if I can write a character as real as you? (Yes, I realize what I just said.)
And your site just accused me of being Spam! (Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?)
problem with new blogger feature
Maybe Blogger has to iron out some kinks out of its new feature, but I'm afraid I had to remove you from my "recent blog posts" list, because each and every blessed time, someone leaves a comment, the subject title of the comment comes out as a new post. I thought, wow, Real Live Preacher is quite a blogger, one right after another.
I am sorry for this, and did try to figure out a way to get you on my blog, and will probably try again, though no longer, today, as I have too much to do.
What's happened is you've
What's happened is you've subscribed to the comment RSS feed and not the content RSS feed.
Go here: http://www.reallivepreacher.com/sitemap
Notice that you can subscribe to the front page of rlp, either the content or the comments. There is a slight difference in the icon. You can also subscribe only to posts of certain subjects, etc.
YOu've just got the wrong rss feed is all. do front page but not comments and you're set.
Brilliant!
Brilliant!
I just had a discussion with
I just had a discussion with my best friend tonight about truth and image. Thought it very apropos that I read this just a few short hours after the conversation.
Thanks for making the truth simple. Sometimes I can complicate the simplest of things. Who knew I just need a little spam and a hell of a lot of goldfish? (c;
Loved your comments about
Loved your comments about believing in the unbelievable. I find myself in the same situation frequently, but never saw the parts I can stretch myself enough to believe in as a gift to God. Thanks for helping me to see that perspective and offer them as such - a gift to and a gift from God.
Your ending comments have also given me food for thought. I do believe that God created us on purpose to be who we are, but I also believe that he can change our hearts and influence our thoughts and desires.
I believe we can change too,
I believe we can change too, which is a pretty central Christian idea. And I think real personal change always begins with a searching and fearless admission of who you are. I've never known how to balance accepting who I am with my limitations along with seeking help from God to change things that need to be changed.
kudos
I loved this post. That's all I have to say.
Great joy!
As I was reading this piece--and before I read any of the comments--my heart felt such great joy.
Especially the part about how hard it is to believe the things that seem unbelievable. (Me too).
Thanks, Gordon. Wonderful writing.
So Sweet
I love this; its sweet. I don't mean that in a patronizing manner, by the way. Its just "sweet" as in having that rare opportunity to see someone's authentic self. Usually, only children give you that opportunity.
I only have daughters, too (just 2). I often tell people that before their kids are born they might want a boy/girl/blond/brunette/etc., but after the baby is born they want that baby. I wouldn't trade my girls for anything either. As for a son, I know that one of my girls is bound to have a boy someday. So, I'll have a grandson and, in many ways, that's probably better. With three daughters, you probably have loads of boy grandbabies in your future.
And I am a mother who has 2
And I am a mother who has 2 sons. I have yearned for a daughter, but I think I've realized I'm probably a better mother for boys than for girls. And, like Scout (only inverse), I'm anticipating having a grandDAUGHTER some day. One day, Gordon, you will have an Elliot in your life, I'm sure of it!
I understand what you're
I understand what you're saying. A poet (or phhilosopher, I wish I could remember his name!) once wrote, "What you are speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say."
That line resonates with me, and in the middle of some impassioned argument, I tend to flash on it. It quiets my stridency sometimes (though not always).
What is true about you is true about you
You are the person who is defined by what you choose and what you truly desire and what you really think and believe.
I was right with you until that sentence. I would have thought that accepting the truth about who you are is a step toward peace, but almost by definition *not* a step toward being what you choose to be or desire to be.
I'm not saying this to be argumentative. It's just that I've always felt stuck with who I am (no doubt a common feeling), and it could be liberating to just accept. Whereas being told I have the chance to define myself amounts to being told that how I am is my own doing.
I realize you spoke to this question in reply to an earlier comment, but there's an issue here that still needs some unpacking. Something about self-diagnosis versus self-acceptance. Sorry if that's not clear but that's about as far as I get right now.
Amendment to the above
Ah. Not "you will be that which you choose and desire to be, and believe you should be," but "your choices and desires and beliefs, as they truly are, constitute you, for better or worse." That makes more sense. But whether this is comforting or discouraging, I wouldn't want to say.
Yes, that's what I meant. I
Yes, that's what I meant. I actually think who I am is made up of hundreds of truths. I just chose a few as an example. But I am defined by choices I've made. And what I really want is who I am. I what I hope to be is who I am too, IN THAT those desires reflect my values.
Meaning, if I spend all of my money and time on myself, then I cannot claim to be someone who cares about others. And if I only want to spend on myself, then I should own that. Admitting that "I am, currently, a very selfish person." If I have something inside of me that wishes to be more than that, then wonderful. I can own that desire but nothing more than the desire.
I just boils down to looking honestly at who I am and being honest about it.
Peace in accepting who I am vs. change. Both are good. Balance is needed here but who knows how to find it. It is a peaceful thing to own and accept who I am. But I might wish to change. If I am a Christian, for example, I might hope to be a more deeply spiritual, compassionate person and ask God for help making that change. Maybe I would say that I want to avoid the extremes of "I am who I am and the hell with anyone who thinks I should ever change" and "I'm such a bad person I have to change or God won't love me."
Thanks 4 being You!
Sometimes I feel like I would be a better edited person if I had children. Like, maybe we're all just big kids :-)Sometimes I really get down on myself for having a quick wit, and ...sometimes I lack discretion/ I can relate on the body fluids etc... I really enjoy your virtual pastoring, and thought I'd let ya know another sheep's wandered into your pen:-) (I'll watch my step!)
Truth
Funny and poignant and powerful all at once. Bravo.
There's a lot here that resonates for me. Not the details of what's quirky and interesting and true about you -- mine are different, of course -- but the underlying truth you're speaking here.
Sending you good wishes from Jerusalem!
Wow, the Velveteen Rabbi is
Wow, the Velveteen Rabbi is in Jerusalem. I'll have to check out your blog.
The cutest disclosure of who
The cutest disclosure of who you are is your decision to tag this essay as 'Spam and/or canned meat related spiritual essays'.
Are there a lot of essays in that category? I can't wait to finish writing this so I can click on the link and find out!
Much laughter. You are the most lovable kind of dag!
Blessings from Australia.
Oh, only the one. So far,
Oh, only the one. So far, anyway! (giggles) Happy writing rlp.
I'm glad someone caught that
I'm glad someone caught that tag. I thought it was kind of funny. Maybe if we all tagged our blog entries as that, we'd all shoot to the top of Technorati, to the shock of geeks around the world.
So, what's a "dag?" We don't that phrase.
I guess it's an Aussie
I guess it's an Aussie thing. In this context, it meant 'caring about the batch dates on crackers isn't very cool/trendy/bright/glamorous but you weren't aiming for any of those things and I really appreciate that you were just your cute, funny self with us'.
Once upon a time the word meant the bit of pooey wool (or woolly poo?) attached to the back end of a sheep (speaking of bodily fluids...) It was a major cause of flystrike and a pretty nasty insult. But nowadays sheep are crutched so that doesn't happen, and the word has mellowed into a friendly laughing-with-you-not-at-you acknowledgement of how silly and funny people can be sometimes.
Maybe an American would use 'goofy' instead of 'daggy'? Not sure. So what's a goldfish cracker?!?
follow the link. I left it
follow the link. I left it for people from other countries.
"Dags, clumps of dung stuck
truth is truth
I'm pretty sure Grey Poupon goes well with Oreos. As does Spam. I personally never met an Oreo that I didn't want a close intimate relationship with. This may not be in the best interest of the Oreo, but who cares? I love the NJB translation of Eph 2.10 You are God's works of art. When that really sank in, got through my defenses, I experienced Cloud Nine for several months. Just remembering still blesses me. Though we don't want to admit it, we are walking breathing evidence of God at work. There's a helluva lot more good news in that than bad.
johnhamilton
i-youniverse.net
Dammit! You went and did it
Dammit!
You went and did it again. You sucked me in with cuteness and humor and the suckerpunched me with the truth.
In the words of that great American philosopher, Popeye: "I yam what I yam." But thank God I'm not who I will be.
nota
connection
"You are the person who is defined by what you choose and what you truly desire and what you really think and believe."
Reminds me of the scene in *Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets* when Harry is afraid he has some connection with the evil wizard Slytherin because there are things that are alike about them, and the Sorting Hat thought of putting him in Slytherin House when he first came to school. Dumbledore reassures him that he *asked* not to be put in Slytherin. "It is our choices, Harry, that makes us who we truly are, far more than our abilities."
I find Harry Potter a pretty good way to communicate the gospel.
Carrie
I've been following this blog for several years
I've read things here that have made me laugh, or made my heart ache in silent commiseration, or made me think, or made me cheer, and/or made me forward an article to 54 of my especially close friends.
This is the first entry that made me cry like I was four and watching Bambi for the first time. I'm not sure why. It's probably precisely what I needed to hear at this moment in my life...and now I have to do something about it.....
crap
well, thanks anyway :)
-T
This kind of honesty from
This kind of honesty from you is why I can't seem to help coming back here to see what you've written.
It's also the reason I have taken Christianity out of my "enemy" column and am trying (struggling?) to rework my relationship with it. I wish more of the Christians I've known in my life had been so authentic.
Thinking man's preacher
It is articles like these that make you an online thinking man's preacher. Philosophy, astronomy, or even just down and dirty life. "Consider these things about yourself that I've considered here about myself..."
Well done!