The first involved me traveling to Rome and, among other things, dragging the pope down a flight of stairs. That fantasy could not be published, though I was tempted.
My Second Pope Fantasy:
“Yes sir, I’d like a private audience with his immanence, Pope John, or Leo, or Bene...Benny, Steve. Whatever the current name is.”
“Yes I know that, but it is MY fantasy, so you’ll usher me right in won’t you? That’s right. Thank you.”
The pope is sitting on a high throne, so high that his feet can’t even touch the ground. I’m intrigued by his pope hat and pope robes and little pope slippers, swinging gently back and forth.
“So you baptized a Muslim?”
“Yes.”
“And you chose to do this on Easter weekend, right in St. Peter’s Basilica, right in front of the whole world?”
“Yes.”
“You bragged about it, basically, right? You did it in a way to maximize the exposure and make world news?”
“Yes.”
The thing that amazes me about the pope is that he never really changes his facial expression. It’s like all the life has been sucked out of him. His lips move. I wonder if anything else does.
“You are aware, are you not, of the current climate of religious tension in the world? You do know that what you did infuriated thousands of Muslims around the globe.”
“Yes.”
“And this man is in danger now, correct? He and his family will have had death threats.”
“Yes.”
“Why would you do something like that? Okay, so the guy was never a practicing Muslim and wanted to become a Christian. Fine, that’s his right. But why make his baptism a public spectacle at this delicate time in history?”
“Yes,” he said gently, peering at me over his spectacles. “What can I do for you, my son?”
“Um, did you hear anything I just said?”
The pope slowly lifted his hand
“Benidicticus Liberonday Ulfimiquam Peridontitus Loonday.”
He finished speaking but his lips were still moving. I flattened my palm and passed it back and forth in front of his eyes. No reaction.
“Sweet Jesus, even my fantasy pope doesn’t seem to know what the hell he’s doing.”
rlp
CNN Story [1]