I bought a blue jean priest shirt in a religious store. I'd never seen one made of denim. I don't normally wear a collar, but I AM ordained. I can wear one if I want.
I think I'll wear it to play disc golf. I'll wear it with my ratty shorts, old sneakers, and wide-brimmed hat.
And my black socks.
Here's my fantasy about what will happen on that day:
I hit the first hole and a bunch of typical GenX slackers are waiting around to tee off.
My outfit stuns them into silence. I'm either a grunge priest or the most blasphemous guy they've ever seen. I like that they aren't sure which of these is true.
I speak first.
"You waitin for someone?"
"Yeah."
"Mind if I go ahead and play through?"
"Sure.”
I drop my disc bag and unzip it. They catch the flash of color and understand that I have serious plastic. All high quality. All fly-dye. You don't carry discs like this unless you know what you're doing.
I pull out a handful of paperback New Testaments and pass them around. I'm one short. I hesitate a second, then pull a beer out of my disc bag and give that to the last guy.
“Sorry dude, I'm out of bibles.”
They accept these gifts like some people receive communion – with blank stares. They're grateful, but not sure why.
I put my hand up like a gospel singer to feel the air. The breeze is with me and slightly right, so I pull out my 170-gram Cheetah with a bitchin dye pattern. I roll my head around and work my wrist a couple of times before yankin that sumbitch down the fairway, right-center. My snap is enough to turn it over a bit, so it yawns right before it fades left and parks right at the base of the basket.
“Booyah.”
While I'm gathering up my shit I can hear the silence behind me. I turn around and give em the good word.
"That's the power of prayer, my sons. The power of fuckin prayer. Now turn from your wicked-ass ways."
I'm halfway down the fairway before they close their mouths.
I have the denim clerical shirt.
I play the game well.
I own the cool discs and the bibles.
My theology is plenty earthy.
If the good Lord will grant me a great tee shot, this thing could absolutely happen.
Matthew 3:4-11
The Preacher
