AOL and Saint Edward

August 13, 2007 - 2:42pm

I got this CD in the mail from AOL on Friday.

Wow, AOL is offering unlimited dial-up internet access for $9.95 a month. What is this, 1999? Should I expect to hear from Compuserve and Prodigy soon? For a minute I wondered if this was one of those pieces of mail that got lost and is only now being delivered, many years later.

It's been a long time since I poked fun at AOL here. I'm an internet old-timer. I remember when all the websites had grey backgrounds and blue hyperlinks. And I remember when just having aol.com in your email address was an invitation to start a flame war. So I just can't resist laughing at these guys. Look, I know people still use AOL dial-up. And I pray for those poor souls, really I do. But from a business perspective, does this rapidly shrinking customer base warrant bulk mail advertising? How many thousands of these things do they have to mail just to get one dial-up customer? This cannot be making them any money.

But then I never really understood AOL anyway. AOL always seemed to me like the Disneyworld of the internet.

********

Speaking of things I don't understand, this church is about two miles from my house.

Solemn High Mass at 10:00. Yeah, I'll bet they have a REAL solemn mass. Real somber and serious-like. I hear the Low Mass is for people who can't understand 4th century Latin and have to settle for 17th century Latin. Lightweights!

Okay, I'm serious - who names their church after Saint Edward the Confessor? I'm just saying, that sounds a little harsh, doesn't it? Imagine Sean Connery saying it: "Saint Edward the ConFESSuh."

So who was this Saint Edward character? He was the son of Ethelred the Unready. I think having a father named Ethelred would screw up just about anyone, which is why Saint Edward is the patron saint of kings, bad marriages, and separated spouses. No, I'm serious. But that brings me back to my original question. What church would want to be named after the patron saint of kings, bad marriages, and separated spouses? I mean, why? There's a huge surplus of saints out there with more being added all the time. Why Edward?

I don't know, so I'm thinking I might have to visit this church. Sundays are pretty much out of the question for me, obviously, so I can't hit that High Mass. Damn! But I could take in a Low Mass some Tuesday morning. Yeah, I'm going to do that.

Stay tuned...

rlp

 

Submitted by Anonymous User on August 13, 2007 - 3:14pm.

(chuckle) When my best friend became disillusioned with AOL, he began referring to it as "The Collective" (as in the Borg of Star Trek), and bailed. A few months later when I bailed, I found out why he called it by that pet name - I was only able to effect my escape by calling my credit card company and telling them that future charges from AOL were not authorized. (Sure beat calling up AOL to cancel and getting spammed within an inch of my life!)

Remember when AOL software fit on a couple of floppies? :-)

Submitted by Anonymous User on August 13, 2007 - 3:31pm.

I don't know about St. Edward the Confessor, but as a Roman Catholic, seeing the High and Low Masses (and lack of reference to Rome on their sign) made me curious so I did some searching.

http://stedwards.home.att.net/index.html
real live preacher

Your St. Edwards is part of the Western Rite Catholic Church. I'll be interested to read your impressions if you do go.

Submitted by The Token Catholic on August 13, 2007 - 4:24pm.

What church would want to be named after the patron saint of kings, bad marriages, and separated spouses?

One that isn't in communion with Rome, for starters.

http://bigumuse.blogspot.com

Submitted by Anonymous User on August 13, 2007 - 5:01pm.

For the records, AOL cd's can be extremely useful. They make great coasters, and I've got a few of them propping up a wobbly leg on my loveseat.

Submitted by Anonymous User on August 13, 2007 - 5:50pm.

Wonder what the Catholic bloggers are saying about your church......

We are one in the spirit, as long as my oneness worships the same way your oneness does?

Don't worry. Not really mad. I still make fun of boys, Christian or heathen, who wear their pants down round their ankles.

Submitted by rlp on August 13, 2007 - 7:53pm.

I don't know, but I do know that I would laugh so hard to read it. Anyone who knows me knows the spirit with which I offer this. I laugh at the Church and churches at lot, and I include my own. Sometimes that's the only sane approach to the church.

Submitted by Anonymous User on August 14, 2007 - 12:33pm.

"Sometimes that's the only sane approach to the church."

That is one of the reasons you are a good minister to your flock and to your "online flock". I wish other members of the clergy could lighten up on the "traditional" and the "ritualistic". In a recent (UMC) Worship Committee meeting , there were complaints regarding the preacher walking away from / out of the pukpit while speaking on Sunday mornings. The opinion was that he was "not being reverent". What the hell?!! I pointed out that Jesus spoke / taught from rocks, from beneath trees, in boats, wherever he was, and I was told to be quiet and not upset the older members of the congregation. I no longer attend services with the UMC and instead have my own "church"; it is in my backyard, where God is also.

-g

Submitted by Anonymous User on August 14, 2007 - 12:52pm.

Sorry. I didn't mean "pukpit" but meant "pulpit".

Submitted by Anonymous User on August 15, 2007 - 12:28pm.

Okay... I can't resist...
"Pukpit" looks and reads an awful lot like "puke pit".
:)

Submitted by Anonymous User on August 18, 2007 - 12:27pm.

Exactly my thought when rereading the comment I'd posted. Have to admit I've had the urge to puke after a few of the messages I've heard coming from the pulpit, such as the one stating that we have to attend a church service every Sunday to go to heaven, because the Kingdom of God is in the church building. I wanted to stand and say, "No, no, people. The Kingdom is WITHIN!" Even some ministers don't seem to realize that we are already living our eternity. And some people are too easily convinced that if they attend church services and tithe, they are well set for The Great Beyond, regardless of what is in their hearts and how they live their everyday lives.

-g

Submitted by Anonymous User on August 13, 2007 - 7:02pm.

St. Ed didn't really get a glowing description in Wikipedia. I am a member of St. Edward the Confessor Episcopal Church, and we think he was a cool guy. He founded Westminster Abbey, and was the last Anglo-Saxon King of England. That is actually about all we know about him, other than his lineage and the fact that he had no children. Of course, we are also pretty sure he did not chop the head off of his wife, like another king in English history tied to our Church.

I have never posted a comment before, so I'd like to take the opportunity to say I love your site, even if you bust on my buddy St. Ed. I am discerning a call to the priesthood, so I have been especially interested in your thought on the ordained ministry.

Peace

Submitted by rlp on August 13, 2007 - 7:54pm.

I hope I didn't offend you, my brother. Sounds like I didn't. Thanks!

Submitted by Anonymous User on August 13, 2007 - 7:22pm.

I know of a real in-communion-with-Rome St. Edward the Confessor here in San Francisco. (The Archdiocese closed it about 10 years ago.) It is/was out on California Street, in Presidio Heights.

Submitted by Anonymous User on August 13, 2007 - 8:21pm.

I don't know. Seems like kings, separated spouses and bad marriages might need a dedicated saint all their own these days. They probably need all the help they can get, wherever they can get it!

Submitted by David Goldfarb on August 13, 2007 - 11:58pm.

I can't help noticing that there used to be something before the word "Catholic" that's been painted over. I wonder what that was?

(Perhaps "Roman", and then they broke away from Rome?)

Submitted by Karin on August 14, 2007 - 5:14am.

I wonder if the people at St Edward's church realise he is the saint of separated spouses and bad marriages. So many churches seem not to know how to deal with these things. Some churches even encourage women to stay in abusive, and even violent, marriages. We could do with more churches for people in bad marriages and for separated spouses.

I once read that the battle of Hastings was down to Edward the Confessor being shipwrecked off Normandy and rescued by William of Normandy, later William the Conqueror. While his guest Edward was strongly encouraged to make William his heir and may have been practically forced to sign a document to this end. I believe that Edward's wife was the sister of Harold Godwinson, who was deemed Edward's natural successor by the English.

Submitted by Keith on August 14, 2007 - 5:33am.

Yeah, but before AOL became the margarine of online service providers, it was the coolest thing around because of the GUI--and it was Macintosh-only.

It didn't all go downhill until the PC users came stampeding in.

Submitted by smpuckster on August 14, 2007 - 7:03am.

http://web.mac.com/smpuckster

I like the Devil's Dictionary definition for a saint:

Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited.

Keep the great stuff coming!

Peace.

Submitted by Jenny Valent on August 14, 2007 - 7:21am.

Thanks for the helping of chuckles this morning - just what I needed with my coffee and muffin!

http://www.myspace.com/ashvajenny

Submitted by Anonymous User on August 14, 2007 - 8:37am.

Actually I think it's great that difficult marriages and separated spouses have a patron saint. (Don't know any kings, but I'm sure they need one too.)

Submitted by Jenny Valent on August 14, 2007 - 1:02pm.

Oooh, now that's a good point...interesting that kings get lumped in with the "bad marriage" folks :P!

http://www.myspace.com/ashvajenny

Submitted by PastorBluejeans on August 14, 2007 - 9:12am.

Would love to go with you some Tuesday morning. A Baptist and a Lutheran both from Baylor attending a possible Western Rite Catholic Church Low Mass. Now that ought to be worth admission. Let me know when you are planning to go. BTW, my family loved worshipping with you guys. Even if we did forget and eat the bread before everyone else.

Submitted by Anonymous User on August 16, 2007 - 9:12am.

That sounds like the start of a great joke!--A Baptist and a Lutheran went into the Western Rite Catholic Low Mass one Tuesday morning and the priest said, "(somebody come up with a punch line, please)."

Submitted by Anonymous User on August 14, 2007 - 9:59am.

A priest once encouraged me to seek the patronage of a little known saint since they would probably be happy to have the attention and be really generous with me. Maybe that was the idea here :-)

Submitted by Anonymous User on August 14, 2007 - 3:31pm.

AOL disks? I dunno. Maybe you could gather them up and use them when you play disc golf. It looks like that the supply will never end, and they could add a new challenge.

BTW, I looked up the church in an old San Antonio phone book. It is listed as "St. Edward the Confessor Holy Catholic Church Western Rite. So maybe it was "Holy" that was painted over on the sign. Because of being named after the patron saint of kings, separated spouses, and bad marriages?

Submitted by OldPoet on August 14, 2007 - 4:08pm.

If I died, and if we had saints at Covenant, I wonder what I would be the patron saint of...
Mystics, Cynics and pole dancers springs to mind.

Anyone else?

OldPoet

Submitted by Anonymous User on August 14, 2007 - 4:39pm.

Hmm, patron saint of story tellers? I love to tell stories and I think Im pretty good at it.

Submitted by Anonymous User on August 20, 2007 - 11:09pm.

This is the best Nerdy Christian Party Question I've heard of.

Me, I'll take Poets and People with UnManageable Hair.

-sarita

Submitted by Anonymous User on August 14, 2007 - 4:09pm.

Gordon,

This is the first thing you've written that I really didnt get.

I grew up in a Baptist church, and they sure loved to make fun of Saints, maybe its a baptist thing?

I'm not Catholic, I just think saints are cool. They're the Christians who have come before us. If St. Edward understands about bad marriages, I bet he understood about depression and grown-up girls who never had a dad to love them, and lots of things that most churches want distance from. That's the kind of guy I'd want to have as my confessor.

Submitted by rlp on August 15, 2007 - 9:19am.

If you read this as me having some kind of problem with saints, you misread me. I just thought the name sounded kind of harsh. Made me laugh. Nothing more than that.

Submitted by Anonymous User on August 14, 2007 - 8:41pm.

You sort of have to go a little further than just "patron saint of kings, difficult marriages and separated spouses. As one commenter said, he built Westminster Abbey. Also, according to the Patron Saint Index,

During his reign Edward repulsed invasion, helped restore the King of Scotland to his throne, remitted unjust taxes, and was noted for his generosity to the poor and strangers, and for his piety and love of God. He married to satisfy his people, but he and the queen remained chaste. Reported to have the power to heal by touch. Built churches, including Westminster Abbey.

Sounds like a decent enough guy to name your church after; especially that whole "generosity to the poor and strangers" bit.

Rev. Ref

Submitted by Anonymous User on August 14, 2007 - 10:51pm.

I think that Catholic Churches get bored with names sometimes. I mean, Sacred Heart, St. Mary's, St. Joseph's, St. Michael's, St. John's, Holy Family, etc are a dime a dozen. Perhaps bored church-namers consult a list of saints, put them in a hat, and draw for names. I mean, St. Gerard, St. Casimir, St. Mary Magdalen, St. Bede, and searching my parents' diocese, there's a St. Pancratius, all of which are fairly unusual for American church names.

Submitted by Anonymous User on August 15, 2007 - 7:47am.

My favorite saint of all time is St. Dympna. The church in which my grandfather was baptized in County Monaghan, Ireland, is St. Dympna's. After spending some months just reveling in the pronunciation of her nutty name, I finally looked her up on the several saints' websites. She's the Patron of the Mentally Ill.

I'm grateful. My crazy family needed all the help it could get!! :)

Katy McKenna Raymond www.fallible.com

Submitted by Orangeblossoms on August 15, 2007 - 9:14am.

It's kinda too bad that St. Edward didn't smile for his icon, I'm just sayin'. Plus, in the world of "The Inquisition, la la la..." (nod to Monty Python) why would ANY church want to be named after a Confessor.... I guess it's not as bad as "The Inquisitor" but still.

Submitted by Anonymous User on August 16, 2007 - 9:34pm.

A confessor in this context is a saint who confessed the faith - basically, someone recognized as a saint but who wasn't a martyr. Nothing to do with the sacrament.

Submitted by mattman on August 15, 2007 - 1:46pm.

I think the tip-off for being patron saint of bad marriages would be the whole married but chaste rule.

Submitted by Anonymous User on August 16, 2007 - 6:43am.

Edward the Confessor is hardly an obscure saint: he's the patron saint of England!

Stopping in after a long time and was rather surprised by this post. Your irreverence is one of my favorite qualities but there's something bothering me about this one.

Submitted by rlp on August 16, 2007 - 10:50am.

Well, as a Protestant, I don't have saints in my tradition, so I don't take them very seriously. So from my point of view, there was nothing irreverent about this post at all. But you bring up a good point. Irreverence is perceived and felt whether or not the writer intended it. And it's all funny until it hits home.

I still think my little words on this church's name are no big deal. But if anyone is offended, I don't like that. I'm not going to remove the post, but I take no pleasure in causing offense.

Submitted by Karin on August 16, 2007 - 1:28pm.

To the Anonymous User who posted on August 16, 2007 at 1:43pm:
It's the first I've heard that Edward the Confessor is the patron saint of England. When did this come about? I thought it was still St George. My son went to several St George's day parades when he was in the Cubs and Scouts on the understanding that he was celebrating his country's patron saint. Plus the Union flag is made up of the crosses of St Andrew (for Scotland), St David (for Wales) and St George (for England) and maybe St Patrick, too.

Interesting, Gordon, that you think that Protestants don't have saints in their tradition. Baptists and other non-conformists may not and the more Evnagelical churches may not, but they do feature for some members of the Church of England who are Protestant but still embrace the rich legacy of the saints, although they may not venerate them in the same way some, but not all, Catholics do. Some Protestants even think that all the saints who have gone before are in a sense around and about cheering them on and encouraging them on their journey.

Submitted by rlp on August 16, 2007 - 6:04pm.

Not all Protestants, but my own tradition doesn't recognize saints, formally.

Submitted by Anonymous User on August 17, 2007 - 6:36pm.

What I find most odd is that the solemn high mass is at 10:30 while the low mass is at 8. It seems to me that the low mass sort of folk would be the most inclined to sleep in.

-goatmeal

Submitted by rlp on August 20, 2007 - 2:48pm.

Maybe you earn the right to sleep in my being a high mass person. The low mass crowd needs a little penance. Just a guess.

Submitted by Anonymous User on August 26, 2007 - 9:00pm.

As a Catholic, Roman version, I can tell you, we take our saints bloody seriously! My father's favorite is St. Anthony, patron saint of lost things. When I was little, he taught me the Very Special Prayer to St. Anthony to use whenever I was in Dire Need:

Tony, Tony, look around.
Something's lost and MUST be found!

I can tell you, in all my 48 years, Tony has only ever failed me once. And I suppose I wasn't meant to find that particular item for some obscure reason I'll probably never understand.

;)
Pat Christensen