Church marketing fascinates me, both the
marketing churches do to sell themselves to a target demographic and the
marketing that businesses do to sell themselves to churches.
Perhaps I'm overly cynical, but I believe a
significant amount of the theology spoken and practiced by churches in the
United States is not determined by a search for truth or an honest journey of
devotion. A lot of our theology is driven by marketing, though no one wants
admit that. If you want to attract a certain group of people, you design your theology
to fit their cultural niche. TV preachers know exactly what kind of
person will donate to their causes. Most of the insanely outrageous right-wing
statements you hear from people like Pat Robertson or Jerry Falwell do not hurt
them. Their “clients” eat that stuff up.
By and large I have no connections to the
mainstream, corporate church experience. One of the benefits of being a pastor
with a “real job,” as they say, is that my church isn’t driven by an intense
need for constant growth just to keep up with the ever-growing staff that is
needed to keep up with the constant growth. See how that runs in circles? Sound
familiar? It should. That kind of circular logic drives much of our marketplace
today.
"I need new hardware to keep up with my new
software that is designed to take full advantage of my new hardware."
At Covenant, we are free to be who we want to
be, even if there are only a handful of people in our area who want to join us.
And to tell you the truth, a handful of people has always been descriptive of us. It seems like there is always a
handful of weary pilgrims who want to step out of the ecclesiastical rat race.
Somehow they find their way to us. A lot of people attend for a time and then
move on. That’s okay. There’s a zillion generic, mega-churches around, but there
is only one Covenant Baptist.
Now at the same time that churches are trying
so hard to be “relevant” (whatever the hell that means) to our culture,
businesses are trying to be relevant to churches. Church is big business. REALLY
big business. There's a lot of money to be made in the god game.
Every week we receive a variety of
phone calls from church telemarketers. The salespersons use sacred language and
try to sound like they just stepped out of a Sunday School class, all in hopes
of selling something to us.
Recently I got a phone call from a church
telemarketer that was so outrageous I sat down immediately afterward and
wrote it down so that I wouldn’t forget it. (The names have been changed)
Hello
pastor, this is Jerry Don Carlton with Grace Outreach Ministries. We provide
addresses and mailing materials for your outreach ministry. We can provide you
with the addresses of all the new families who have moved into your area. We
have a couple of programs, quarterly and monthly. Which would you prefer?
"Which would you prefer!" Like I’m going to
fall for a cheap, Jedi Mind trick like that.
I’ll tell you what, you send me your stuff, and
I’ll look at it.
Well, we have a special promotion going, but
it’s only available if I sign you up on the phone. This is a real dynamite
package. I mean, you’ll see immediate growth. You know, new families are often
looking for a church. One of the best ways to reach those new families is to
mail them a "welcome to the neighborhood" package.
Yeah, I've heard that. Send me your stuff, and
I’ll bring it to our leadership meeting.
What, you aren’t allowed to make decisions
by yourself?
I was stunned by how crass this guy was.
Did he really think that I was going to be shamed into buying his stuff just
because some guy on the phone wasn't impressed with the amount of power I have?
At this point I decided to keep the guy on the line so I could see what else he
might say.
Listen, JERRY DON, it’s not a question of what
is or isn’t allowed. It’s a question of how we DO things. We’re a church, a body
of believers. We have our own way of making decisions. Send me your stuff, and
we’ll take a look at it.
You know, most of the pastors I deal with
have some kind of discretionary funds or something. I mean, they can make some
decisions without running to the deacons or whatever.
This guy was unbelievable.
Jerry Don, LISTEN TO ME. Send me your stuff and
perhaps we’ll take a look at it.
Are you aware that if you use our product,
you’ll get more families in your church? More families mean more money. This
program will pay for itself in one quarter. A lot of pastors I deal with just
order it and give it a try. Let me tell you, when they bring these results to
the deacons, or board, or…well, everyone’s happy.
Nice move. Now it’s me and Jerry Don
standing together against the miserly budget committee. Hopefully, with Jerry Don’s
generous help and deep, spiritual vision,
I can encourage these spendthrifts to open up and let the good Lord enlarge our
fields or ministries, or whatever you call it.
It was fun playing along, but I grew tired
of Jerry Don and had to hang up the phone.
You know, marketing and selling and making
money and being successful and all of that has so polluted every aspect of our
society that it’s become difficult to find anything simple and authentic
anymore. When I was young, I thought of the church as something pure and
uncomplicated.
I thought that the sacred journey of devotion and spirituality I would find in
church would stand apart from my culture and bear witness to what was pure and good and decent.
"When I was a child, I spoke as a child," said
the apostle Paul. Yeah, me too.
And yet, even now I still have hopes and dreams.
I continue to go to church every Sunday with some hope in my heart. I delight in our simple church
with its quirky problems and silly ways. At our church you might be asked to pray
on Sunday
or fill in for someone who is out of town. The music and most of the service and everything all
the way down to cleaning the toilets is done by volunteers from the congregation.
We don't always get things done quickly, but we
eventually get around to the things that really need getting around to, if you
know what I mean.
It’s messy, but since when is messy such a bad
thing? I think messy, silly church is a lovely and precious thing in this world.
Peace,
rlp
