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"Jesus Wept"
Short, and to the point.
Evil feeds on those least likely to be able to defend themselves, and by doing this, feeds upon our fear and loathing.
For this you need God? For this we ALL need God. Only Light can defeat darkness; only great good can defeat great evil. We put on the armor each day, and pray that our Lord keep us safe...

Thank you for writing this.

Thank you, RLP, for again (as ever) reminding us that we are not alone in our weakness against the fear and pain, that even those called to be "men of God" (and yes, women ;P ) struggle with these incredibly difficult things as well. It is reassuring in that at least we are not alone in this struggle, we are not failling horribly, failling to live up to what we "ought" to be able to do. For reminding us that we all need help in these things, Thank you.

As one who was once that child, I still struggle with this very awareness too. I don't want it to be hidden, but I can hardly bear to have any awareness of it, myself. I just want to know that the forces of love and goodness are at least balancing out the bad. I like your paragraph about the haze of sorrow and the beacon. It might be kind of like that.

I want to beleive this is a way God shows us we cannot do everything for ourselves. I'll go into one of those trances and come out sweating and teeth clinched, like a boxing match.

This is one of the most honest expressions of our fear of evil that I have ever read. Thank you for writing it.

I need God for This:

Four years ago, a Boy spilled iced tea under a refrigerator, and a man who had a bad day at work and a rough time kicking a drug habit picked the Boy up by the neck and throttled him until the Boy spent three days in the hospital.
Four years ago, a woman and another man were trying to recover from the loss of her first pregnancy, and they weren't really coping at all well with it. She stopped going to christenings, he stopped going to church.
Three years ago, the Boys mother shifted gears from OxyContin to heroin. The Boy's psychiatrist put him on Ritalin and Prozac for anxiety. He stole food. He gained 50 lbs. He missed the man who had throttled him.
Three years ago, a woman and a man went to a fertility clinic. They went to an adoption agency. They weren't lucky enough or rich enough to succeed at either one. They stopped talking to God about it, and they stopped talking to each other.The woman stopped seeing friends, started seeing a counsellor. The man stopped being a catholic charities mentor, because every Boy was a Boy he'd never have of his own.
Two years ago, a Boy started planning on being homeless. He ran away from the house at night and sat in parking lots with strangers. He hid cans of food in the woods. He vandalized a Post Office; he got arrested.
Two years ago, a man heard about a Boy, and went to court with him and his mother. A woman read an article about two children who died in foster care, and got angry enough to want to do anything.
1.5 years ago, a Boys mother was arrested. A Boy asked to stay with a man and a woman. A man and a woman said yes. The State of NJ said yes, but couldn't find a name for what they were- the judge referred to the man and the woman as the Boy's whatevers, and made it official.
Yesterday the Boy came home from a visit with his mother. He played a guitar for a couple of hours, and showed his Whatevers the B he'd gotten on an algebra test. They celebrated the 1 year anniversary of the end of his probation. They made and ate dinner. They did homework. They hugged each other goodnight, and grinned at each other on the stairwell.
Thank you, God, for all of it.

You have come very close to putting into words what; and how I so often feel when looking at this world around me. How does one not just run from this evil; how does one live in some little way as a meek person to help others bear the suffering from this evil?

I have been that child and dealt with that evil... except my own personal hell was an alcholic stepfather who put a hole in the wall with a hammer one day, threatened to kill my sister the next, and then told me I was worthless the day after that. The week before my high school graduation I found myself being asked by that same small man dieing in a hospital bed from a failing liver, to simply pray for him. Grace admidst the evil. And I was changed.

Ten years of survival prayers. And his answer was Forgive. And I was changed. So much evil in this world. Thirty years of life and a survival prayer lifted from the Garden "Father if you are willing take this cup." And his answer was Forgive. And we were all changed.

Always look for grace in hell. It doesn't condone the evil. It doesn't keep you from seeing a hammer coming at you in your sleep. But, it helps you get through the day and be ok. Take it for what you will.

That's heavy. That's further than i want to go.

McKormick

I really enjoyed this one. It really made me think about what my own capacity is for comprehending evil.

You have already given your daughter such an incredible defense against evil--the knowledge that she is worth fighting for. You have given her truth about who she is and that will make all the difference when she has to decide whether to listen to evil's lies or God's truth. Because she knows she is precious in your sight, she will be more likely to believe she is precious in God's.

Since I don't believe that "evil" is much more than a term used to distance oneself rhetorically from certain base human behaviors (and entirely understandably, since they're very upsetting), I don't see the things you mentioned as "evil."

I understand that this framing of the situation is not compatible with a worldview that requires the existence of good and evil, and therefore may not be at all helpful. However, it's an outlook that I haven't seen represented; and I think any conversation about good and evil that doesn't consider the possibility that they're hard to understand because they refer not to actual things, but to half-understood ideals and vague, contradictory wishes is not a complete conversation.

I'm also, by nature, not interested in things that aren't useful. Calling that kind of behavior "evil" may be true (I could be completely wrong in everything I said in the preceding paragraphs), but it seems to me that it frames the problem in a way that's so huge, a person can't do anything about it. This is also why, as a writer, I object to stories that depict murderers, rapists, child molesters, and so on as other than human like the rest of us. It diverts attention from reality, which is that everyone who commits these atrocities is a human being. If that can't be accepted at face value, we will never learn to deal with those people--because we'll be too busy watching out for slavering fangs and glowing red eyes.

"He seemed like such a nice man," is the standard neighbor response when someone turns out to be a serial killer.

That's who does these things. Not monsters. If we're looking out for "evil," my humble opinion (and it is sincerely humble, as I've been wrong before and will be wrong again) is that we're looking fearfully in corners and shadows when we should be trying better to understand what's right in front of us in plain sight.

It's also possible I didn't understand the point of what you wrote. But as a father myself, I know the experience you described. And I hope your family remains safe.

i'm missing something here.

these things happen.

is it because god's just or despite it?

if despite, what difference does it make if god's just?

dave

In my opinion, it is up each and everyone of us to "comprehend evil." When we accept all things as they are, to me that is the beginnings of change.

Yes we need God ... because evil threatens to engulf all of us...

and because...

7 years ago I learned that my son was autistic. My Job-like faith succumbed to something closer to hatred...adolescent hatred to a father that seemed not to care or worse, to be evil himself. God could have taken my arms and legs...it wouldn't have mattered...but my son...he touched (theologically suspect phrase, but hang with it)...he touched my son...and he's autistic.

My son's mind is in some kind of box...sure, there are plenty of holes in the box for light to seep in and out...but the box is there. He will always be baffled by irony, duplicity, sarcasm, romance...

I had to outgrow that adolescent anger less my son, through one of those holes that lets things into that box, receive the ill-scent of a faith that has died because of him. He doesn't deserve the weight of that response. He deserves a father that will stand with him in the mystery of what it means to grow up Autistic in a broken world, amuck with evil, created by a Good God!

Limp along 5-7 years latter. My son is baptised. He takes communion. God is present to him so immediate, without guile, without anger. This despite HIS autism. And despite being raised in part by a Mother who is chronically depressed and Borderline Personality. His faith is pure...and healing.

Slide into last week. A colleague calls me. He hardly knows me. "Ummm...I've just learned that my son Donald (not real name) is autistic, he's three. Can we maybe, meet for lunch..." Suddenly, I am the Spiritual expert on autism? Suddenly I need God to be there for "times like this." To be bigger than the evil, the questions, the pain...to bring grace and light into minds boxed in by Autism and soul's boxed-in by their own anger and sin...and allow these minds, these souls then to shine outward. Like my son over communion. Like me to a colleague 7 years behind me on what are probably the hardest first few steps of the journey of his life.

-Been There!