So what did you do in the 90s?
A couple in our church, Stan and Carol, spent the 90s trying to have a baby. They blew an entire decade doing the infertility dance.
You know the infertility dance, right? First you try to relax and “let it happen”. Then you pray to Jesus, who always seems to be busy doing other things. After that you give all your money to doctors and do all the weird shit they recommend. Finally, you bow to your partner and offer up your credit cards.
This dance will flat take it out of you.
None of it worked for Stan and Carol. For them it was just one disappointment after another. Mr. Grief was the only one they could count on. He dropped by once a month to nibble at their souls when they were at their weakest.
They didn't give up; they ran out. They ran out of everything - energy, time, money. They were empty, that's all. They looked to heaven and said, “It is finished". They fell to the dance floor and cried “Uncle”.
They tried to hold Mr. Grief at bay, but this was his hour. Denial worked pretty well, some days. Bargaining never did much for them, though some people swear by it. Anger was like heroin – a quick, powerful fix, but anger takes energy and Mr. Grief was patient. In the end, he swept onto the dance floor with a triumphant flourish, and ate them all to pieces.
Our church wore a kind of emotional veil in those days. The light of our joy was always dimmed by their sadness. We rejoiced with every new baby, but couldn't help sneaking a glance at Stan and Carol.
Carol was strong and tried not to show her sadness when new babies came to church. She did pretty good too, but one Sunday she broke down in the parking lot. Stan folded her into their car and mouthed "I'm sorry" to us. They hated to be a bother.
There was nothing you could say. We were walking in darkness with our friends. That's all we could do, just walk in the darkness with them, hoping for some glimmer of light.
The phone call from Yolanda came out of nowhere, and the shock of it caused Carol to sit down hard on the floor. Carol had been one of Yolanda's elementary school teachers. They were close back then and had kept in touch through the years.
Yolanda was pregnant, but wanted to go to college after graduation. She wasn't ready to be a mother. Remembering her beloved teacher and knowing her story, she had a proposition for them.
"I thought maybe you guys might want to adopt my baby."
It happened just that quickly. One moment there was nothing but darkness, and the next moment a ray of light.
We were on pins and needles at the church, hungry for every scrap of news and getting updates from Stan and Carol every Sunday. It was absolutely the longest 9 months of my life.
And then he came - a little boy with olive skin and dark brown eyes. They named him Elliot. Elliot is his name.
Everything stopped on the Sunday they brought him to church for the first time. We who had walked in darkness saw Stan and Carol coming down the aisle with Elliot. We saw a great light. God, the look in Carol's eyes. Sweet Jesus.
We passed Elliot up and down the rows like a little offering plate, with Stan and Carol standing at the front crying for joy. He bobbed along through the people like a little Moses in the river.
That was a good day.
Carol says God had them wait all those years because God knew Elliot was going to need a family.
That doesn't jive with my ways of thinking about God, but Carol is expressing things that are beyond language. It's called theology, or God words, and hers make about as much sense as anybody's.
It's been two years now, and Elliot has made his way into our world. He is keen on hopping, toy trucks, and "Bob the Builder". He's a bit shy, but is sometimes willing to indulge all the aunts and uncles at church who constantly want hugs and kisses.
He runs up and down the hall in his little "Bob the Builder" shoes. He has no idea who he is. He has no idea how long we waited for him.
He's only a little boy, but he's special to us. He brought life to Stan and Carol. He brought them back from the dead. His advent brought light to people who had been walking in darkness.
His name is Elliot. Elliot is his name.
The Preacher
Coming soon – The Passion of Elliot
