Anglican Prayer Beads  Prayer Beads  Anglican Rosary Rosaries  Natural Soap  Handmade Soap

"Know thyself" -Socrates
"What will it profit a man to gain the whole world yet lose his very soul?" -Jesus

Thanks for being honest about the tensions in your life created by your writing. I didn't know you back when you were an anonymous force in the blogosphere, but I feel blessed and challenged every time I read RLP these days. Thank you for sharing your gift.

pamela (www.nicapamela.blogspot.com)

Gordon,

i am sorry that some people react angrily and fearfully to the new RLP. I am a relative newcomer in that you were already out of the closet when I found you.

I am glad that you are trying to find a way to continue writing whilst still holding your family in the depths of your heart, even if that means I have to pay you for it.

I have subscribed because I feel like a vampire - I check in most days to see what's new and I am sometimes disappointed if there isn't anything new. I am a drain on you and so I give you back a little just to even up the balance a bit and make me feel a little less like I take all the time.

I bought your book (several copies) and your CD (several copies) not because I pity you or anything so base but because I love your writing. I laugh, I cry, I feel hugged by God all generated by the God given talent you exercise in these pages. If giving you money keeps you writing then we will both be happy.

God Bless You Gordon.

Brother, you have a God-given right to make a partial living (at least!) off the ministry your provide here. Anyone who disagrees needs to go read the New Testament again and stop trying to muzzle you while you're treading the grain.

You turned your horse in the right direction, rlp. Bravo, for you, and Jeanene, and the girls.

what you've done deserves respect and all credit goes to you. I really enjoy this blog and feel being healthy is Godlike behaviour... even if not everyone can see it.

It is a powerful mistress, writing. I can't count the times I've wished I could preach a better sermon on Sunday but know that doing so would mean giving up Saturday time with the family. I can't count the times I felt like the sermon got the time it deserved and I gave up important Saturday with the family.

And so you do the best you can to balance, knowing that you get it wrong and hoping to grow ever closer to the center and away from the huge swings where you are all-family or all-church...

You have spoken honestly and with love. What more can reasonably be expected or hoped?

Thank you.

Someone wrote once, that they wondered what it would be like if there were no "professional" Christians. That turn of the tongue has really stuck in my brain and made me look at things a little differently. Now I don't know if this has anything to do with the whirlpool you find yourself in or not, and it probably doesn't matter at this late date anyway. But you know, that writer guy who said that really makes me think. And it didn't cost a thing. Thank you.

As I was waiting for your page to load, I had that fleeting thought of "oh, I wish this blog could go back to the old days!" And then there was your post. I don't really wish your blog could go back to the old days... in the old days I was reading and rereading your blog as I sat in a job I was unchallenged by, and didn't like. We change and move forward, and though we can appreciate the days gone by, we must live in the present so as to not miss the wonderful things we have right in front of us!

I'm glad you've found, and are finding a balance in the things and people you love. Its not easy, and I admire you for doing that.

I think it was that Shakespeare fella that said:

To thine own self be true, and as the night follows the day you can not be false to any other.

Not quite but close I think. That's my philosophical/literary reaction to your critics.

My gut reaction? Male Bovine By Product! You wouldn't BE the real RLP if you left your lady wife and the three sisters behind. You'd be someone and probably still a talented writer and story teller but you wouldn't be the person we have come to know and love.

Water off a duck's back, my friend.
Peace
Jay

Change is always difficult, and those who knew the "before" will need some time to adjust to the "after." I admit to being one who doesn't visit here as eagerly as I used to. But what used to bring me here is still here. You still make me feel and question and reinforce, and that's still worthwhile, even if I have to dig a little deeper to find it than I used to.

The new format makes us do a little work, too. That's not necessarily a bad thing.

Getting upset about a blogger who made it big reminds me of childhood friends that used to get mad when their cult-ish little bands signed on with big record companies. They always shook their fists and claimed the band had "sold out". What a crock. Every artist loves first and foremost their art if they are truly passionate. To be successful on top of creating your art and because of your art is everyone's dream. So unless you start pedaling prayer medallions in exchange for a generous donation...I fail to see how you've sold out or how you are just like a televangelist.

I don't know...I see this RLP as an outgrowth of the old, but maybe it's just the closetted Buddhist in me talking. I'm not getting the televangelist thing, either, unless you start wearing tacky suits and calling for assassinations of world leaders.

speaking of televangelists, have you seen the documentary, "Through the Eyes of Tammy Faye"? It's wonderful. RuPaul narrates it, and there are sockpuppets. Edit: I guess my point is that there are televangelists, and there are televangelists. I see Tammy Faye as being someone who went into a ministry that just happened to be on television as a way to reach people who wouldn't normally be reached. So if it means you're a televangelist like her, then that wouldn't be so bad. :)

I've only been reading rlp for a year, so I can't say that I was really invested with "The Old RLP." But I've read the archives. As a writer myself, I can say for sure that the rlp that used to be was a supernova- he was a brilliant force to be reckoned with, for sure, but he was a fire, and eventually all fires must burn themselves out. Now a more subtle force has surfaced, and this one can sustain itself in ways the other could not. Everyone wins this way, but most importantly, the Atkinsons win. For us to ask for anything else would be selfish. Blessings, rlp!

-cd

I've been reading RLP for just over a year now and have nearly completed my journey through the archived essays. I never knew the anonymous Preacher. I do really enjoy all the writing I've received for free to date. And five bucks a pop for the actual words is rather paltry.

What that other guy said... to thine own self be true. Thanks Gordon.

Yes, I find the new techno-bells-and-whistles (chat rooms, etc.) beyond my technical competence or interest and I'm somewhat wistful for just the plain old blog -- but that's like wishing that the caterpillar had never turned into a butterfly, and a mighty beautiful one at that. Do what you are called to do. Give thanks for the blessings you've been given and don't let the naysayers get you down. Thank you for sharing your Self with us.

Polish. Like the sausage? I had a girlfriend once whose family was polish...

Gordon. You kick ass. Your blog has been instrumental in the progression of my faith. Thank you for what you have done and for what it is worth, I think the new blog is great. The shell is a little different, but the voice is the same. Maybe when I see you drive thru town in a BMW on your way to the convention center I'll have criticism, but for now. Just thanks.

nickinc

What people don't often realize is that the tradeoff for finding The Thing that you really love doing, the thing that drives you to leap out of bed in the morning because you just can't wait to start doing it--something most people only dream of finding--is that it sucks you in, it holds your attention, it consumes you, at the expense of other things.

It's a dangerous tradeoff.

And it's a tradeoff many people make to things that they DON'T feel that way about, without even realizing it.

Part of what makes you YOU is your devotion to your family, and your blazing, infectious love for them. And *I* believe with such a love, and with such a commitment, your writing can only be enhanced by it. Maybe you don't have as much time, as much of the obsessive edge to put into it as you might if you sacrificed them, but the better person you are, the more fulfilled you ALL are because of your devotion to them will and does show in the writing you do accomplish.

And in the end, God honors your commitment to them and good always comes of that.

Good for you, my friend. Especially for your wife and the girls. That's the thing that will last - not the writing (as much as we all want it to)

JoKeR's Response. (title)
There will always be people who don't want anything to change, but change is inevitable. Personally, what I miss are the less formal posts (like this one, for instance). Your essays are well constructed and I find them enjoyable, often moving, and frequently thought provoking. However, I also like to see glimpses into the person behind the writing. If you want your official site blog to be a collection of your polished essays, maybe you could consider a second, less formal blog where you let your hair down, so to speak. Much of the time over the last months the only time we get to see behind the curtain is when we happen to catch you in chat, which is always too brief and not often enough. As always, thanks for the site. The community which has gathered through your facilitation has become important to many folks here.

Peace,
JoKeR

Far better a RLP who's alive and healthy and experiencing life, than one who's lost and hurting and not making it!!

Change is, I believe, the one constant in life. Of course you had to change - and you've done the changes you've needed to make here with more sensitivity to the pitfalls than any other blog-gone-(hopefully)profitable than I've seen. Thank you that you don't have blog-ads that relate to whatever topic you've just written about cluttering up the sidebars! But if you ever had to do that - I'd still come read what you wrote every day, just as I have since the early anonymous days.

I know you know this - but please remember that complainers complain out loud, but many of us contented people forget to be contented out loud.

Chris(tine) [TatteredThoughts blog]

Tagalong perspective
I'm still going through the archives slowly, and am really enjoying not knowing if I'm getting a well-crafted piece, or a quick note to say you're going to play disc golf in Houston. Not wishing for "the good old days," just catching up to where everyone else already is and throwing in my 2 cents' worth. The rest of the trip to the present should be quite interesting.
--Rob in Dallas

Once upon a time I owned a lumber yard and hardware store. I poured myself into it the was you poured yourself into RLP. I did it for 25 years. Often when I came home my girls (wife and daughters) were in bed asleep. Often when I went to work in the morning, they were still asleep. Twenty-five years of doing things to myself that I shouldn't have, and not doing things for myself that I should have, led to 2 weeks in the cardiac care unit after a heart attack. When I finally brought myself to tell my wife that I was going to have to close the business because I couldn't keep up with it anymore, I was afraid she would leave me because I wouldn't be able to keep her in the style to which she had become accustomed. Instead, she began crying and said, "Thank God!" While God may have given us lots of gifts, the people he put into our lives to care for and love as proxy for him, are the very most precious. To waste those gifts would be the unforgiveable sin. To write a little less in order to husband the ladies God has put in your care is no biggy. If other people don't understand that ...
God bless you and your family, my virtual friend!

Hey, RLP, have you read any Pema Chödrön This reminded me of her book on uncertainty. I thought it might appeal to you.

Get busy living, or get busy dying. - Andy Dufresne, Shawshank Redemption
In your "Words" post you talked about how words can take over your life, use you, and leave you empty if there is no life lived behind the words. You chose to get busy living, and now you can feed your words - and RLP - with that life. You chose not to let them cost you your life, or the people who help make up your life. So now your words - and the "new" RLP - are your tools, not the other way 'round. Good for you!

Don't you worry, RLP.

It is possible to be a writer AND a human being. The myth is that artists need to suffer for their art. It's such a strong myth that I've seen artists put themselves in situations that cause pain on purpose. Don't believe the myth. You can be a writer AND live a happy life.

The first step is to stop caring what the world thinks about you. It seems that you are so much more guarded now that you've been outed. When you give up the fear that they won't love you when they see the real you, you become stronger than you will ever know.

I'll admit it. I've thought the same thing that many people have wistfully said to you. I've written e-mails only to delete them. It saddens me that I don't get the "I find no scriptures that say there is anything wrong with saying shit when shit happens." and calling translations "bullshit". A dear friend of mine said that in his opinion most of the prophets of the Old Testament had dirty mouths but were cleaned up to be all "purty" for liturgical purposes and such.

But I wouldn't say it's commercialization. It's the fact that you're no longer "Preacher", you're now Gordon Atkinson. I've experienced similar situations now that I'm a rather public political consultant and writer. You'd think that a bigger audience would allow more liberties with language and such, but it doesn't. It's more restrictive. You now have the weight that rocking the boat could cause the sucker to turn over.

That said, it's still hurts to no longer see cussing and grit and "edgy". It hurts because it so hard to find that along with religious thoughtfulness. It hurts because I feel there's one less person who understands where I'm coming from.

But I understand. At least you're getting writing done. Some of us fellow writers are downright envious of your ability to actually turn out a product on such a regular basis. Writing like that, with such "little inhibition" takes a lot more energy, and in fact, inhibition(this isn't a space for dissertations and such so I won't expound any further).

In the post where you talk about "saying 'shit' when shit happens", you close with "we're gonna have some fun!" I've been thinking a lot about that, too.

Man, I bet that felt good to say. You're a blessing, my brother in Christ, and you will continue to be. Keep up the good work, and don't let them grind you down.

peace to you, friend.
Change is always hard.
I honor your choices, and understand some of the post-book, post-anonymity. It's a bitch.

But who you are hasn't changed, it has only, like a good wine, gotten better.

On a recent family vacation to Georgia, we had trouble starting our car and stopped to get a new battery installed en route. We didn't realize this caused the car's clock to become wonky, and we spent seven hours of the trip thinking that it was a hour later than it actually was.

We ate our meals at wrong times, called our destination (my grandparents' house) and provided them with the wrong ETA, and at one point, we even speculated on the causes behind daylight lasting so much longer in Georgia than it does in North Carolina.

It was only when we finally arrived that everything clicked into place and we realized what had happened. But even then, there lingered a strange, disoriented feeling; an artificial jetlag of sorts. Having planted the foot of our plans on something as sturdy as time, we felt somewhat hoodwinked that it had betrayed us like that. We were Charlie Brown on the ground after Lucy had just faked us out with a cosmic football.

Days later, on the way back home, my mom said something along the lines of, "having a schedule based on a false sense of time" and my first thought was, "I wish RLP could've experienced this instead of me, because he could take a small event like this and, with his words, hone it into a sharp, poignant blade of symbolism, subtext, religion and meaning¹."

This comment doesn't have anything to do with your above entry, other than reading your comments and seeing your frustration made me want to tell you this story. I'm not sure I really understand how the old RLP can be "gone." As far as I know, he's still there in the archives, or, if you have the book, on the shelf. The RLP that spoke to me three years ago can still talk to me at the turn of a page, because (thankfully) he took the time to write down what he was thinking. And even though I might not get to read what he sticks under the mattress anymore, I'm still appreciative of the time he takes to send me his letters.

¹ I don't actually think like this. It was more along the lines of, "Dude, Real Live Preacher could totally make that into, like, an essay or something."

The pull between the writer and the family. The words wanting to wriggle their little head between you and the girls as they give you a hug. You see one lick her lips and it makes a thousand descriptions of a simple act arc through your mind. Cheetos make you want to write about orange fingers and the stains left behind as fingers smear the goodness on favorite sweaters. Other parents clean the stain or teach the kids to use a napkin or to lick their fingers or lick the fingers for them. Not the writer. Everything in the world is a word storm and if we don't set out the buckets, we are afraid we will never catch enough to water the mind. The family and the words are as intrinsically tied together as roots and dirt. Sometimes something has to give. I love words and you know how much. But no poem is worth the sequin on one belt that hangs in Ariane's closet. She and Adrian ARE the buckets. They allow me to just dance around in the word storm and stick out my tongue and enjoy the moment. All the good stuff is in my buckets just waiting for later. --- Old RLP, New RLP...its all good. OldPoet

RLP, Gordon, whoever. This started for you. Right? You wrote the book before you even knew you were writing the book. This isn't about us. If we read it. Great. If we don't, wouldn't you still write? So it's none of our damn business what you put on here. You aren't here to win the masses or disciple the small group. You're here to put your thoughts out there. Please keep doing that, whether you say shit or not.

Over the last couple of years, I have watched you progress and grow, because lets face it, we are all human and things change. And things chnaged in your life as well, and "we" your supporters have been here through the thick of it "encouraging" you to walk forward and not look back. I have always admired every word you have written, and the time it took to get here, you should be proud. In the end, you are the RLP and I think we all care about you to tell you that - there is only one way to go and that is forward. There is no going back! right? You give so much to us that I am reminded to be greatful for the kind words and insightful teachings you share with us, along with your witty prose and your thought provoking stories about people you have known and hope to know. Sometimes we find people who have the need to hold on to old things and old ways. And for the most part they never allow themselves to grow. Is that a bad thing? maybe. I speak for myself here, I appreciate all your efforts and I support you 100%. Never look back, and remember the light that shines ahead of you and upon you. Until God himself tells you to stop, I suggest you keep writing and sharing. Growth comes when we least expect it, so we must be responsible to God and to our fellows. Hoorah for the RLP. (You are NOT a televangelist, on the contrary, you aspire to be better than a mass media preacher). You have on more than one occasion touched upon that issue. Keep on Keepin on RLP..

I signed up to be a subscriber the moment I read your message about it. I hope. I'll know when I see the bank statement! Not subscribing would be like listening to NPR without joining. I hope lots of other people agree.

gordo...can i call you gordo? i hear ya. listen to your gut and you'll be okay. personally, i've always enjoyed your blog - old, new, whatever.

Oh, Preacher. I both love and hate that you are such a sensitive soul. I love it because it makes for great, insightful writing. I hate it because you get twisted into knots over the responses you get. Go twist yourself into knots over something important, like, uh, saving whales. That ought to keep you occupied.

You're one of the good guys, Gordon.

Hey preacher:

I'm sorry you got flack. BD

Flaq sucks...
It really does, and Im not sure if you are going to read this (heck you dont even know me) or not, but I thought I would leave a note anyway. Flaq sucks, and what sucks more is that you caught it for making the right decision. You are an very talented writer, but what impresses upon me the most is that you are honest and you give your writing meaning. You leave spiritual and emotional residue on your words for others to breathe in like whisps of smoke. The beauty of a blog is that you dont even have to be present for others to ingest your words. Im sorry you caught flaq, but dont start thinking that you are commercializing for one instant, not as long as you keep writing with honesty and diligance and devotion.
-amd
“...you breathe your spiritual life into the atmosphere as you do your breath, and someone else breathes it in...and all live in it and receive from it according to their unfoldment.”
a mere disciple

I feel writing as a compulsion, as one of the best things God ever gave me, and I love words like they were my sisters. But if it came down to it I would walk away from writing in a heartbeat if it meant that I could have a marriage and family. Words, for all their beauty and the power that they hold over people like us, don't choose you or hold your hand or snuggle your neck or really even take out your trash. So good choice, Gordon.
Also, I can personally testify that Gordon's hair is far too small and uncoiffed to ever qualify him for televangelist-dom.
~Lori the Texas Democrat who is too lazy to sign in

Silly man. Don't you know that Christians are supposed to give everything away for free. At least other Christians are supposed to do so. At least the things I want.

I used to work in a used Catholic bookstore and got an e-mail from an irate man once, "How dare you charge for these books?!"

I got into an argument with a ... person ... who blamed pastors for accepting money for doing a job of work. "Listen," I answered, "I am a priest in a tiny denomination, serving a tiny congregation. I have gotten paid only for about six months of my pastoral life. And do you know how many hours a week I am able to give my small church, in between hours working at the bookshop? It's a small church, but I can't give them enough time. I just don't have it."

Silly man. Give it all away for free, as long as it is something other Christians want. And as your wife and children starve or leave to look for a more stable situation, then you can just remind yourself that at least one crotchety old woman is happy. But no, she won't really be happy. She won't really think about it enough to be happy.

I'm grumbling with you. I should stop.

In the love of Christ,
Fr. Sean
who, due to 50-odd life-changes going on right now is not subscribing to this or anything else yet. But I will.

Hey old buddy, I read this and I feel for all sides. I miss the old RLP blog, and I miss having any time to really write myself. In my case it was hold down a full-time job that paid enough to live in one of the most expensive parts of the country, write a lot, or be a good father and partner. I could have any 2 I wanted. I have chosen breadwinner and family person, mostly happily, but boy does Geodog miss writing. See Work is the Curse of the Blogging Class for more. A little late night browsing and commenting on other's work isn't the same.

I'm just in awe that you are finding a way to mostly make it work. Congratulations, go for it, and to $%^& with the nay sayers.

Hey Preacher Man,
I found your blog when I Googled "Christians Suck", isn't that funny? Insomnia used to keep me up late at night and I spent time trying to find out who you were. And then in November of 2003 you made a little slip in an email to me and I figured it out!! You do seem more reserved in your writing than you used to when you were anonymous, but that's okay. I hope you have started another secret blog and are cussing away.

I think what I miss the most was thinking that there were only 30 or so of us who read your blog; that I was a part of a small online "congregation". It has been tough realizing that you are quite popular and have a jillion readers. Would you remember me if I wrote you an email now that yer famous? I guess that is what I miss about the old RLP. But, change happens and I'll just roll with it. I still love your writing. I still check in everyday. I'm glad you didn't sacrifice your family. I'm glad you're so popular, you're voice is needed in this world...

Take it easy Preacher Man.

Cussing is highly overrated. The voice of RLP is still authentic, the thoughts still deep. I've been reading since almost the beginning. It was never the cussing that impressed me, it was your willingness to be honest about your doubts, about the tensions between being a person of faith and being a person living in the 21st century real world. That's where I am too, where a lot of us are. You haven't lost that edge. Actually,I enjoy the elegance of your latest essays and I also love being able to hear them now too.

rlp, If I'm guessing correctly, if there are few things you like less than being compared to commercialized televangelists, one of them would be a comparison to Jesus! But indulge me and don't let the comparison go too far. Jesus went through a large part of his ministry demanding anonymity, especially as recorded in Mark's Gospel. He would silence the demons that knew him before they could speak and he would instruct those he healed to tell no one. But it didn't work. In order for him to live into his true identity and fulfill his true purpose he had to give into the forces that attacked him - the demons and their temptations, as well as the masses of people who pushed in on all sides to touch his robes. In his case he gave into those forces until the point of death, thankfully. You know who your demons are, and we know who your masses are. I think most of us whether we've followed you from early on or just lately realize that rlp is the same as it ever was despite being different. Any preacher that doesn't grow and change isn't one who listens to the spirit. If you tried to be who you want to be or who we want you to be without listening to God and those who know and need you best you'd be destroyed and that would be unacceptable. There are parts of the old rlp that I miss from way back when, but I also appreciate the fact that now I know rlp really is a real live person too. Thank you for your ministry and the humility with which you carry it out. I pray that you will continue to be who you are and that people will continue to find you that way. Peace brother, and thank you. Tom

Listen to me honey. If this blog dropped a solid gold hound dog in the lap of every person who read it, some asshole would complain that his was smaller. Fuck 'em. It never ceases to amaze me how those who do nothing and give nothing can find fault with every single person who is out there trying to make the world a better place. Your writing makes the world a better place, Gordon.I thank you for it. Peace, PAm

Okay, I'm sure someone else has already said this, but I'll risk saying it again.... FILTERS DON'T CHANGE THE SOURCE. They only change others' perception of the source, or the product of the source. The source may change, but not because of the filters placed upon it. RLP is not the same as he was a few years ago. Who is? And who doesn't have to filter themselves in some way much of the time? I'm just glad there still is an RLP, and that he is honest. Maybe he's not everything everyone wants him to be. So what? Take him or leave him, but please don't try to make him into what YOU want him to be.

That's my two cents. Have a good day, everyone... and ROCK ON GORDON.

:) V

It was really malicious of that person to say that you are becoming a televangelist - people can be so callous with their remarks. You have every right to make a living and to change your blog in the ways that suit your life and your needs. I'm sorry her comment hurt you. Please know that you have many readers (all these comments certainly attest to it) that support you and your writing. Take care rlp.
Mia

The earlier stories were more about other people, and your experiences as a preacher. You were able to compress the highlights of your life experiences into a relatively short amount of time.

The latter stuff is more, I dunno, "starving artist" in nature, more introspective, more "my life as a writer" than "my life as a preacher", and I find the latter to be much much more interesting.

I'm a casual reader, and honestly never thought about subscribing until I read this post. But I became curious, and decided to check into the audio files to see if they affected me differently. I listened to "Where Is The Man", an essay I had read before, and a story I knew well.

To my surprise,I was riveted. And immediately subscribed.

So some good has come out of this, Gordon. You gained a subscriber, and I have a new way to experience your words, or as my pastor says, to "hear with new ears". God certainly moves in mysterious ways.

I've just watched from the sidelines for almost a year now, and feel the need to finally say something. I am glad to see your online community giving you such great support. Maybe words from a complete stranger will also have a positive impact.

I remember the first time I found RLP. My husband and I had just made a very painful decision to end a church plant on the East Coast. We had poured our souls, lives, money, relationships -- absolutely everything into this endeavor that we believed God had called us to. We were emotionally, spiritually and financially bankrupt. I didn't know what/who to believe anymore, and so we limped back to San Antonio to be with friends and family. Gordon, you're honesty in your essays was one of the only spiritual connections I had left. I couldn't pray, I couldn't go to church, I didn't know what to do. Your writings helped me through a very dark and lonely time. One time I even had the courage to attend your church. You may have noticed a woman with a young family sitting in the back last July quietly weeping... that was me.

I've wanted you to know what your writing has meant to me, and despite our many San Antonio connections, expressing it just never felt right until now.

The thing that stuck out to me the most in your latest post was about your family. That was one of the big reasons my husband and I decided to throw in the towel. The stress of bi-vocational ministry (I hate that term) was slowly killing our family. I can't say that I have a Bible verse to back it up, but we got to the point where we said, "Enough. Ministry has taken everything from us despite trying to set up boundaries, etc. It has sucked us dry, but it WILL NOT take our children and our family."

Despite what your essays have meant to me personally, I will unequivocally say that your family is more important than me or anyone else out there. I know it is a huge struggle to do what you are doing. I pray that strength and courage will be plentiful for you.

I've been around here since near the beginning of RLP, and thinking about the changes reminds me of this story:

• Once apon a time, there was a farmer living on a plot of land with his family. The farmer had 2 horses to help him farm his land. And if he worked with those 2 horses from sun up to sun down, he would just barely make enough to support his family. One day, one of the horses ran away. When the farmer's neighbor heard the news he told the farmer, "That's terrible. Now you won't have what you need to support your family. You'll surely starve to death!" The farmer replied, "Maybe, maybe not."

• The next day, the horse that ran away came back, bringing 2 other horses with it. The farmer's neighbor saw this and exclaimed jubilantly "This is wonderful! Now you'll be able to earn much more, and you and your family will live in luxury!" Again, the farmer's response was, "Maybe, maybe not."
• A few days later, one of the farmer's sons tried to tame one of the wild horses. The horse threw the young boy and the boy broke one of his legs. Again the farmer's neighbor said, "That's terrible!" and again the farmer replied, "Maybe, maybe not."
• About a week later, the local militia came around recruiting all available young men. Because the farmer's son's leg was broken, they passed by without taking him. Again the farmer's neighbor said "That's great!" and again the farmer replied "Maybe, maybe not..."

Was the old RLP better? "Maybe, maybe not." But none of us are who we were then. Just keep trying to be as "Gordon" as you can. You have a family, a flock, and a gift. You change and grow and so do your family, your flock, and your gift. I suppose you could always tell the nay-sayers, "start your own damn blog" and leave it at that. (A critic like that needs to take the log out of her own eye...)

My thoughts on a writer:

A writer shares their thoughts and writes about the issues that they choose. Anybody that presumes they should be telling a writer what the writer should think, or demanding this subject or that issue be written about misses the point.

When the writer commits ink to paper it is their creation. The writer is sharing their perspective. The writer respects all of their readers enough to be honest about their views, forthright about their perspective and sincere in crafting their message. The writer shares that very personal internal dialogue with the reader.

Each article or post is centered on one or a very few subjects and issues. Subjects that are of the most interest to the writer.

Certainly make suggestions if you think it is important but the demand for this or that shows a great amount of disrespect for the consideration the writer has given and gives through their words and their work.

Unless you think the writer is dumb or brain-dead, make your suggestions, appreciate that the writer provided a forum for you to do so, thank them for the opportunity to share, accept the fact that they may not agree, and move on.

If you do not like the subject of this post or article, just wait a bit, another will come. You may not like it, it may not be the subject you would choose but is the subject the writer has chosen and shared and the writer should be respected for that and even more so when you disagree

The creative process is a very personal thing. It is not easy to create. Think of a factory that manufactures ideas, writes them down in a form that can be understood with logic and factual justifications supporting the conclusions and basis of the explanation of the idea. The writer shares with all simultaneously selling and giving away their product.

With each piece a writer puts it all on the line. Honesty exposes a part of the internal dialogue that belongs to them. The writer sets their effort on paper by ink not pencil so the writer is hoping to communicate clearly and completely. The writer does this to make a living. Everything is on the line for the writer from idea to the food on their kitchen table.

Every writer makes choices that satisfy all of those things including putting the way they make a living on the line. A writer succeeds or fails based on those choices. I doubt many can balance all the dynamics both personal and professional that the writer does instinctively or we would all be best selling authors.

capt

RLP,
I've been reading this blog for probably about a year. I never knew you as anonymous; I only just read a couple of Foy stories; I always forget to log in when I come here. I wrote to you a couple of times from different addresses and both times you wrote back. I have watched you struggle, watched your coming-out process (depressed, not gay), watched you write and push and pull the taffy of your life and write again. You have given me a few models: a model of how to be edgy, a model of how to be real and a preacher, a model of how to falter in public and honour both your adoring public and your loved ones. Now you have given me something else, these last few months: a model of how to claim credit for what you do and have the courage to make money from doing something you love. Preachers and artists, saints and poets, we have this idea that we shouldn't enjoy the thing we get paid to do, that we should do art or preaching or good works or poetry for love. Trouble is, we still have to eat and we live in a non-gift economy. I would love nothing better than to give away whatever I can do. I can't. Neither can you. Thank you for lighting the way to sanity and art.

This post reminded me of this quote from Renita Weems, who is a minister/mother/writer/scholar and one of my heroes:

"I will never be the writer I would have been had I not become a mother. Nor will I be the minister or professor I could have been if I hadn't had to suffer the interruptions of a sulking child or the vibes of a brooding husband transmitted under the door of my study. I give up writing the book I might have written or the sermon I might have preached every time I wander out of my study and follow the smell of popcorn wafting in the air, follow it to the family room, where the rest of the family is watching The Lion King for the forty-second time. I'll never be able to recapture the fine sentences swirling in my head, or the fresh revelations that were about to lay hold of me. But for the joy of getting down on the cold hardwood floor and singing, Hakuna Matata, I'll settle for bits and pieces of revelation God sends my way, and see what, if anything, I can make of them when I can. Because today is today, and that's all I have."

That sums up where I am. But the perfectionist rears her ugly head way too often.

Thanks for sharing yourself with us--with or without the bells and whistles.

--reverendmother
www.reverendmother.org

You know what I miss?

I miss a time when people weren't so quick to take and take and take and TAKE. Some people seem to think that creating art is some sort of easy thing to do that magically pays for itself. There is no magical blog fairy that is making this site appear in your browser week and after week.

Perhaps creative writing seems trivial and unimportant in a society which elevates the most shallow, thoughtless pop culture drivel as the highest of art forms. Americans don't think twice about driving their gas-guzzling SUVs, downloading the latest must-have iTunes song, or shelling out $50-$100 a month for hundreds of cable channels with only a handful of shows worth tuning into... have these whiners not noticed they can't watch TV without seeing an ad? RLP puts a few ads on his blog and starts selling some quality items and it's interpreted as some sort of sell-out? What'll be next? Will these goonies start throwing riots and set their hair on fire if Gordon throws some google ads up here too?

Whoever thinks RLP is a sell-out needs a virtual slap in the face. Shame on you ~ you're takers of the worst kind. He offers his writing here as a free gift to anyone who wants to drop in and enjoy it. If all we do is come here to consume and take, there won't be anything left to enjoy one day. Personally, Gordon, I think you should charge a subscription fee. Most of us would pay to come and read your words, and it would be so totally worth it.

Dear Lord, please deliver us from a world so full of blithering idiots. Help us to value those things that actually have value. Teach us how to be humble and turn our hearts from jealousy & judgement. Show us how to rejoice in the creativity of others, and help us to support the courageous offerings of artists in our communities. May we learn from the gifts that are so freely given here, and in so doing, our lives will be enriched, we will be more content and more in love with life than perhaps we ever were before.

RLP/Gordon,

I'm happy to be here with you, old or new.

You write good. :D

I didn't notice that the "Old RLP" went away. Sure, some of the site's trapping have evolved, but the YOU behind the words is still the same old RLP we've loved from the beginning. The voice of RLP has not changed.

The person with whom you exchanged nasty emails certainly knew how to push your buttons. I can't imagine you thinking any comment to be more cutting than being called a televangelist -- and your reader probably knew that.

RLP, I wasn't invested in your old blog: I came to the game late. And I relish this venture; I have no problems with your structure (or financing -- if that's the word). And it sounds like you made wise decisions in deciding to change your format.

But, Dude, it sounds to me like you over-reacted to that woman's criticism (foolish though it may have been), and I hope you did't send the letter intended to hurt. Your long explanation here sounds more like self-justification and it still carries your anger and irritation and defensiveness. Calm down; give (or "offer") it up; accept (at least to the point of being able to function with them) the imperfections in the world and in yourself. And keep going on. It's OK.

But I wonder whether you still have some personal business to deal with relating to the changes you made. This seems more than simple artistic temperament (something I really don't buy).

Sorry, Brother: I don't mean to char. I'm just wondering.
D

amen amen

Well I actually never comment on these blogs. I don' t feel the need to do so unless I know the person. This time, however, I did feel a need. I just think that it is the worst form of what some people see a Christian as being when we tell someone like you that you have to give all of your talent and gift away to people you don't know, do it for free, and be happy about it. It then goes to an nth degree when we start telling you that you should be giving up your family for it. The term commercialism has become a word that has replaced so many of our classic four letter terms. If you have "gone" commercial you have recieved the gravest insult we can give. I am not a writer, (though I think I might like to try my hand at it). As one who is not I say yes you should be compensated...okay lets just say it...paid for the work you do. Keep it up and God Bless you.
Trevor-a fellow pastor

Gordon-

I too do miss rlp. there was something raw about him that seemed more authentic, more real. but in life we wear many hats. it's that .9 of x thing, i guess. but all of those hats, every bit of that .9, is still authentic. it's still the "real" us, but perhaps a bit more guarded, a bit more restrained. perhaps a bit more mature? or maybe more spiritual? he he. but ya, i think this "new" you is still you. you haven't sold out. you've just grown up. everyone has to graduate from high school and enter the adult world. sometimes that means putting on a tie, even if that's the first thing we take off when we pull up to the driveway of our homes. but that guy, the one who's willing to put on that tie, the one who's taking on the adult responsibilities, he's every bit as genuine as he was before he put that tie on. ya, i agree that "professional Christianity" bites. but God wouldn't give you the passion if He didn't intend for you to follow it. and, as everyone before me has said, there's nothing wrong with making money doing something you enjoy doing. Didn't the Apostle Paul also chastise one of the churches for expecting him to travel around, preaching the Gospel, raising up the churches, for free? it's not like writer's make near to the amount of money that televangelists make. sheeesh. being a published writer in a Christian genre, i do understand your perspective. and your passion. my kids are always complaining that i spend my life on the computer. and when my book got published i was filled with fear and trembling. it's such a huge responsibility. and the potential of corruption, of turning away from the passion to become driven by the commercialism, was terrifying too. writing for a magazine is a big deal (i LOVE The Door, by the way). there's a lot of accountability. and anyone who puts himself out there is opening himself up for criticism. it's just the way of things. when i first started in ministry i studied a lot about conflict management because i was so vulnerable and fearful, that i was almost paranoid. every attack sent me spinning. i had to learn how to not react. and conflict management (Aikido really) helped me learn to incorporate grace into my interactions with naysayers. you're doing alright, Gordon. you're right where you're supposed to be. and while i do miss rlp, i'm so grateful to have had the chance to meet Gordon.

your wife- wow, what a beautiful woman she is to not want to share you. Clint Black has a song that came to my mind when i read this about your wife- "You Know It All" from his Nothin' but the Taillights album. there's something sacred, private, possessive about marriage. and your wife is so right to feel that way. and you're so right to give yourself up for her. thank you.

RLP:
So your blog has changed. We've all changed.

But you're still just as ruthlessly honest and compassionate.

And that's why I still read, and do my small part to help support your ministry.

Thank you.

So many people have said this, but it is worth repeating. You are rlp; old, new and everything in between. We all change. We can't not. And how sad that people fight it. Whenever our little church brings a new pastor in s/he is often young. We can't pay much, so that is what we get. They start out nervous, clinging hard and fast to note cards as they preach. Over time they become more bold, some stepping out from behind the pulpit, even! As their lives change, so does their preaching. I have seen it time and time again. (The mutterings happen, how dare he consider not doing communion at the altar rail like we've always done it?!) And we grow as a church family, and we grow as individuals, and we change. Try as we might to avoid it, we do. And we are better for it.

Your ministry here has changed. I loved the cussing preacher that I found ages ago. But much more than that I love that you have managed to continue touching people through gods grace. Peace be to you, Gordon.

As followers of this site we ask you to pour your soul into a cup for us to drink. For many I would guess, for me at least I know, your writing gives moments of grace. It gives Eucharist; sometimes almost as much as going to church and participating in the sacred rite itself. That is priceless and I find it commendable that you are humble and reverent enough not to put a price on it. You give it to all of us for free. Just like at church. And just like at church, it doesn't seem too much of an imposition to pass the plate around so that the ones who have the means can support the mission.

I couldn't tear myself away from these comments. I've read every one. Susan's (Visual Voice) and Pam's (the Golden Hound Dog one) are my faves. I hurt when someone judges me, too. Your writing, though, is how you help us work through all these emotional swamps alongside you.

It's easy to judge someone. It's harder to really understand what they are saying and doing, and why. Most of us will travel alongside you over the years, changing too as we go along. The ones who drop away will find a place where they feel more comfortable. Fine. The ones who stay will appreciate you (I hope)and eventually start paying the Pal for the honor of being able to be inspired by your writings.

Pooey, I forgot to log in again! It was me, in that "tear myself away" comment above.

http://blogs.salon.com/0003947
www.wanderingwillowblog.blogspot.com

I barely knew the old RLP blog. You weren't anonymous, but there were none of the current bells and whistles. Sometimes I feel a bit of nostalgia for the old site (it was my introduction to the blogosphere). Sort of the way you look back at photos of the kids. You feel a bit of a pang--oh the years go quick and they sure were cute. But you don't wish they had stayed two.

I can't write in a half-ass manner. I cannot. I won't. And if I gave myself the chance, I would sell my marriage and my children down the river for just one more essay. Oh, I wouldn't say that out loud, and the transaction wouldn't be that obvious. I wouldn't sell them all at once. I'd sell them piece by piece until there was nothing left. I would sneak out of the house to write and say I was going to visit the sick. I would stay up until 3 am to finish something and be sleepy and irritable the next day. I would hide essays around the house, behind books and in little plastic bags floating in the toilet tanks.

what honesty. I can only admire that.

I have missed the old RLP - but that was before I knew how much it cost you and your family.

Bless you all

Ok, so things have changed. But what has changed? What is your passion? I'd say it is writing and preaching. So why not have your parish, write, and present your writing on sundays for your homily? Writing a homily once a week is a tremendous amount of writing. Doing it every couple of days for a blog is just crazy - know wonder you are burned out.
I love liturgical churches because there are three readings in which to base your homily. I never understood denominations that were subject to whatever the preacher felt like railing about that day. At least there is some biblical guidence with liturgical churches and you even revisit the subject about every three years.
Hey preacherman sounds like you have priorities straight. And that will get you everywhere.

Do what you have to do.

I know why some people want the old guy. Before you came out they could imagine you any way they wanted and you could personify any RLP you wanted. Now, we just got Gordon. Gordon has a family and needs to pay for orthodontia and imipramine and stuff. I always knew Gordon was RLP. I was never confused about that. I see you as still the same. I don't see one bit of difference between you getting a check from us every month and RLP getting a Pay Pal donation. Anyone who does can read the other million blogs out there and skip this one. No hard feelings, just move along and bon voyage. Old Poet