God Doesn't Reward Bloody Knuckles

May 2, 2006 - 9:23am

This is the third short reflection/Bible study that I've written for the High Calling. I have a contract to write for them once a month for the next year. This writing is a little different from what I do here at Real Live Preacher. It's a little closer to the kind of things I do at church.

The second chapter of Mark contains a fascinating story about four people who brought their paralyzed friend to Jesus in hopes that he would be healed. Unfortunately, there was such a crowd in and around the house where Jesus was teaching that they couldn’t get near him. Undaunted, the four went up on the roof, tore open a hole, and lowered their friend down to Jesus.

It certainly was a brazen thing to do, if not exactly polite. I’m guessing the homeowners weren’t too pleased with their new skylight. Still, we understand the desperation of these friends and give them a certain amount of credit for gumption and ingenuity. Whatever we think of their methods, no one can deny that these four were determined and did not give up easily...

Click here to read the rest of this essay at The High Calling.

rlp

Submitted by see through faith on May 2, 2006 - 11:29am.

But their perseverance did make it possible for the man to be in the presence of Jesus. And people who spend time with Jesus tend to find out what they most need.

That was spot on!

Submitted by Anonymous User on May 2, 2006 - 11:54am.

Isn't amazing what people do when Christ is present. I love this story. It makes ask the question, Why aren't our churches' roofs torn open?
Just a thought.

becky

www.tripinsidemyhead.blogspot.com

Submitted by Mark Goodyear on May 3, 2006 - 6:36am.

What a wonderful thought! We are the body of Christ after all. We should be acting in such a way that others see us as a source of healing and wisdom.

Mark
hillcountrywriter.blogspot.com

Submitted by Mark Goodyear on May 3, 2006 - 6:59am.

On the other hand, the church is not limited to the buildings many of us meet in each week and build with our tithes (that sometimes feel like clubhouse dues).

When I think about the institutional church, I imagine people tearing open the roof to come worship on Sunday morning, or to attend a Bible study during the week.

When I think about the universal catholic Church, the body of Christ, I'm not sure what it would look like for people to tear open the roof. I suppose it might look like the DaVinci Code. It would be a little scary and invasive and destructive. But we would need to meet their questions and their skepticism with love and understanding. And with forgiveness.

Thanks RLP for a good thought provoking article.

Submitted by Anonymous User on May 3, 2006 - 8:06am.

When I wrote my thought, I wasn't only thinking a building, but the entire body of Christ. When I read the Gospels and the book of Acts, the church was powerful. It wasn't entertainment or the latest "thing" which brought people to Christ. It was Christ himself. To me, when Christ is present, housetops are torn open, people flock, starve,wait and sit for days. I am not looking for numbers or en masse, but there is a difference when Christ is the center and head of the body.

becky

www.atripinsidemyhead.blogspot.com

Submitted by Anonymous User on May 2, 2006 - 12:21pm.

You have given me a lot of food for thought with this essay. Perhaps it is also the voice of God speaking to me from it. Thanks.

Submitted by Anonymous User on May 2, 2006 - 1:09pm.

I really, really needed to read that. I have been confused and trying to sort a lot of things out lately, and reading this essay was like God saying, "This is what I have been trying to tell you, Daughter." Thank you.

Submitted by Anonymous User on May 2, 2006 - 1:29pm.

Why should we have to knock until our knuckles are bloody before God might answer?

There was once when I was very much isolated and in need and called out to God night and day and night and day and this continued for months. God never answered. When I'd already felt forsaken by those around me, I felt even more forsaken by God. Never before had I called out to God in such need. But also, I'd never taken God for granted either.

Gradually, my faith in God was worn down and I've now forsaken the bastard.

I can't begin to explain the anger and rage I felt at God. The pain and hurt. I've never again been able to walk into a church again. All the empty promises the Bible offers. Where was my balm? Where were the Lord's rob and staff to comfort me. I walked through the valley of death alone and forsaken.

~zap

Submitted by rlp on May 2, 2006 - 7:34pm.

Zap, this is your experience and your story. I'm glad that you felt safe enough to write about it. Everything is a part of your journey. Who knows where you will end up. I certainly can't make sense of it myself.

Submitted by Michael Main on May 2, 2006 - 8:36pm.

Zap,

Forgive my bluntness.

I am sorry for your pain...and your self pity. I have wallowed in both as well. Examine your Bible again, and try to find the people in the ancient stories who never suffered or struggled...you may discover that to be a fruitless exercise.

I think this is one problem arising from "feel good" religion. I have found that a deeper spiritual exploration often uncovers the uncomfortable.

God's promise to you is not a pain free life or even a life free from isolation and doubt.

Jesus called many a man - and woman - to hardship.

The world is indeed unjust at times...and you are not the first to curse God for that...the question is whether you're right.

So I will pray for you...for patience, for peace...and for perspective.

Grace to you,

Michael Main

Submitted by Anonymous User on May 3, 2006 - 8:11am.

I have felt and sometimes still feel what you are describing.

becky

www.atripinsidemyhead.blogspot.com

Submitted by producer girl on May 2, 2006 - 3:38pm.

Wow, zap. I couldn't get your post out of my mind. I kept thinking, "This person's been through major pain...something serious and real. What could I possibly say to help? What could I say that wouldn't hurt worse?" I'm usually a big chicken about these things, but here goes.

I think feelings can be deceiving. At my most lonely and difficult points, when I swear God left me, I usually turn a corner somewhere and look back to see things differently. Once the hardest part passes and I see the bigger picture, I see God was at work in so many things I couldn't see through the haze of my tears.

Whatever your valley was(or is)here's a prayer from me that you turn a corner soon to find God beside you. Please don't mistake people's dumb mistakes for God's. Churches are made of people who do great things, and really really dumb, hurtful stuff sometimes, too. A nasty side effect of free will. So, try not to blame people's dumb stuff on God. God loves you; God loves us all, no matter how angry we get.

Submitted by jeremyca on May 2, 2006 - 9:27pm.

I sometimes tell God that I have expectations and that sometimes I have a plan, and God looks down and he giggles. My plan for my life, was just that, a plan, that was of my will and not His. Hence 4 years recovery and finding the real God of my understanding and 3 years of University Religious formation bring me to this realization:

That I sometimes stand outside that door and I knock until my fingers bleed, like getting sober and even during my partners bi-polar drug treatment test period, I prayed to God as I still do daily, but my prayers then were much more earnest, not that my prayers today aren't earnest, but then they had a different request, you know what it is like to stand outside that door knocking until my fingers bled, and one night as if God stepped out of his heaven and opened that door, my partner got off the couch, the light went on in the tower, and its been on ever since.

Recovery and Study and Prayer teaches me that when I am inline with the Lord, I am never wanting of him, of anything that is not mine to have at any given moment.

Not my will but thy will...

God does in his own time, and when he moves, we are amazed, because?

I waited on the Lord and in my darkest hour, he answered me because I was truly ready to hear him, see him and Believe that He is God.

Submitted by phil_tgn on May 3, 2006 - 5:07am.

"persevere"
"wait upon the lord"
"be still"
Not words that a 23 yr old likes to hear.:-)
Thanks rlp for a very god-sent reminder. I get pissed easily with my bloody knuckles.

Submitted by Anonymous User on May 3, 2006 - 8:47am.

Wow. Thank you everyone for your supportive responses and prayers.
And I feel I must apologize for the language I used. Sorry.
Something about what RLP wrote touched a row nerve: I'd thought that
I'd moved beyond the anger I'd felt. I see that it's still there.
Reading the kind words you all offered moved me deeply.

I am always surprised though that any expression of dissatisfaction
with God, anger at God or expression of a sense of betrayal by God is
summarily dismissed as self pity and a wallowing in one's sorrows.

I've suffered plenty in my life without much complain against God.
And I ask that you not discredit me by accusing me of mere self pity
and wallowing in sorrows. First, you don't know what I went through
and so you don't know what you're talking about -- and really, what I
went through is irrelevant to my complaint. Indeed, my complaint
wasn't that I had to suffer. My complaint rests largely on that I
called out to God and God did not answer. RLP's posting related to
this: the bloody knuckles -- and so I felt my own experience warranted
my response.

If I am a child of God and God is my heavenly father, then I can't
help feeling that God often makes for an extremely negligent parent.
What good parent would stand by and do nothing, not even offering
soothing words, to a child serious maimed or injured?

The Bible, whose inerrancy has so recently been argued here, tells us
repeated about God's love for us. It tells us how God looks after us,
tends to us, grants us what we most need. But, it was from a very
dark place and very wounded state of both body and mind that I called
out to God. I felt somewhat like Job. Job's complaint wasn't at all
that he had to suffer, but that he suffered unjustly. Job demanded an
audience from God and God granted him one. I asked God merely to
answer me. God couldn't bother to answer me.

I have to admit that my questioning did begin with my own plight, with
my own unanswered prayers. And I suppose if that's where it ended, I
would have to accept the accusation of self-pity and wallowing. Yet, I
have gradually moved on -- though the shadow of that time still
lingers.

I am fairly privileged and blessed. I have a job, a roof over my
head, and food to eat. I am in good health. And while I have
friends, they live far away from me. And, I have no more family.
Yet, it's not hard to see others whose life's circumstances are far
more difficult than mine, far more trying, far more unjust.

I think of the homeless on the street; the child repeatedly beaten,
molested and raped by a drunken father; the innocent lives lost to
suicide bombers and American "collateral damage." I think of the
Cambodian killing fields or the death camps in Nazi Germany.

What justice is there here? Where is the Good Shepherd? However many
there may be who have called out to God and feel God answered, I know
there are also many who have called out and felt forsaken. As I
reflected on these broader issues, my questions grew deeper and more
profound. My need for an answer from God deepened. But God's justice
and love have come up short.

So really, my complaint about God, though it started in my own pain,
was ultimately not about me and any suffering I must go through. Nor
was it about what others do to me or anyone else for that matter.
It's about a promise made, time and time again, in scripture that God
is our balm, a comfort, a firm foundation. That God is just. I fail
to see how this is true anymore. I've called out repeatedly to God
not to let me lose my faith and to show me that God truly is just and
loving....

And, I continue to pray and ask that God make some sense of all of
this for me. But in the course of five years of deep reflection and
hard questions that I've put both to myself and God, not once has God
even breathed a sigh of hope into my life.

~zap

Submitted by Brent on May 3, 2006 - 11:47am.

Wow, Zap, thanks for sharing this part of your journey. I can certainly resonate with much of what you've said. I've recently returned to God/faith (we really don't have a good way to talk about the life of the spirit, do we?) after a 20+ year absence. My time away was more precipitated by philosophical issues than what seem to have started more as existential experiences that you've had, but most of the fundamental questions are the same- why is God silent in the face of pain, suffering, injustice, hunger, war, etc.? My questioning led me to conclude either that there was no God, at least in any way that would make sense to us, or that God wasn't particularly interested in relationship, or that, God was just screwing around with us. Any way you cut it, I didn't see the point of Christianity specifically or religion in general. To cut to the chase, my return to faithfulness occurred around my experience of God through God's family. I still have more questions than answers, but my working hypothesis is this: God set up the world in such a way that God keeps his hands off. It's the only way humans can grow into the full image of God. Birds don't fly until they're kicked out of the nest; children don't grow up until they no longer depend on their parents. If our parents rescue us every time we get into trouble, we'll never learn who we are and what we're capable of on our own. Just so, God doesn't come to our rescue. Rather God has chosen to make his presence, grace and mercy known through those who seek to follow him. As such, I see your experience as more an indictment of God's people than of God. We as God's followers have failed to reach out to those in pain, in hunger, those who suffer injustice and loss.

Not God's fault. Ours.

I don't feel like I've expressed myself particularly well here, so let me sum up: My wish for you is this- if you can't find God, may you find people who can be the face and breath of God for you, who can breathe a sigh of hope into your life.
Blessings to you.

Submitted by Anonymous User on May 3, 2006 - 12:09pm.

Thank you for the support truly. But why do we presume the fault is our own?

Honestly, I truly do find God wanting in this matter. I know I'm not alone -- the problem of theodicy has been around since the get go.

If God takes a hands-off approach with us, may I take a hands-off approach with my own children? I hope your answer is a resounding "NO!" I would suggest that your answer therefore indicts God.

~zap

Submitted by Anonymous User on May 5, 2006 - 8:23am.

Zap, I remember so well the feeling you describe of asking and asking God to make His presence felt and feeling as if I was getting no answer. ("Asking" isn't quite right, begging and pleading and then screaming alone in my car is more like it.) I love the example the writer Anne Lamott gives of how God answers prayer. She says, (and I am paraphrasing, maybe poorly) "I ask God for help with my problems and He says, while I am working that out, why don't you take a glass of water to that really thirsty person over there?" That describes how I think it works, too. I trust God with my problems and I look around and see what it is I can do to help someone else with their problems. There are a lot of people working to end suffering. Find them and hang out with them, they are nourishing to the soul.

I appreciate your honesty, Zap. The only thing I feel like I can figure out is that love for others and hope are better than despair. I stand right there, only on that. We can spend our whole lives learning how to really love others and I think that is what we are meant to do. I find reading the Psalms really helpful and I really pray that you find comfort and rest and peace.

sorry for the long post.

Submitted by Brent on May 6, 2006 - 9:57am.

Actually, my answer would be a resounding, "It all depends." ;-) Different stages of development require different things from parents. When a child is an infant we are -absolutely- obligated to love, nurture, feed, protect, change diapers, etc. As the child grows we grant greater levels of freedom and independence, which also means we can no longer protect him/her from every exigency of life. This however is necessary if they are to grow into mature adulthood. If all goes well and we're very lucky perhaps the relationship can someday transcend parent-child to adult-adult.

So, metaphorically speaking, maybe God is working with us in the later developmental stages. Suffering in our lives perhaps offers us an opportunity to grow toward spiritual maturity. Does this answer all questions? No. But it does give me a window to an understanding of God I can live with.

Blessings to you.

Submitted by phil_tgn on May 4, 2006 - 3:20am.

dear zap,
as you would have noticed, there are lots and lots of people, who like you grapple with the very questions and doubts, i do too, and i have not found answers, well, not for all the questions anyway. Some of us have these doubts and have rejected god, while some of us run closer just because of these doubts, i am sure that a large part of rlp's readers, and rlp himself havs had priods of running away from gosd and bitterness, i still do periodically, but you know what zap, faith changes things, inside you, and though i have still no answers and still am periodilcally bitter with god, faith in him has changed me, i do not live in sorrow all the time, and though i have no ansers i have peace, i know it sounds absurd, maybe like wishful thinking, but all of us who have taken that step of blind wild abandon called faith, will tell you that, it does not make sense, god does not seem trustworthy or even real from where you stand, belive me it was the same way for me too, but one has to close ones eys and take a leap, of faith. then things change.

sorry if it sounds stupid, but its true neverthless.I witness to it, so do thousands others.

LOve mand prayers
Phil

Submitted by harper on May 3, 2006 - 8:52am.

Dear Zap,
Even Jesus said "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" So you and all of us who have felt forsaken by God are in good company. I don't know your story, but whatever it is I am sorry it's been so painful. I work with old people who have endured some incredible losses. The honest ones will tell me that they felt as angry at God and as bereft as you seem to feel. For some reason though, many of these same people are the most faithful people I know. It's a mystery. I do think that there is a lot of bogus theology out there that makes people think that it will be easy to have faith. It isn't. So why bother? I guess for me, even when I feel absolutely terrible, I look at nature and think, "this wasn't an accident, I'm a part of this no matter how I feel." It helps a little. I don't know, but I suspect the fact that you read RLP maybe means you're not quite through with God as you feel right now.

Submitted by Anonymous User on May 3, 2006 - 10:45am.

Dear Zap,

I cannot replace the words of God, because I only felt peace after He answered so I will try not quote things at you. For 14 years God was silent in my life. I struggled (and still struggle) with depression and anxiety for over 14 years (anxiety pretty much all my life). I have lost many things and endure many things. I was very angry with God and at 20 I rejected Him in my anger and threw up my hands at church. I do not believe you are wallowing in pity, I believe you are asking the very questions the psalmists and Job asked. "Why God? Why do the wicked prosper? Where is your justice? Why does your blessing work for some and not others? God, I do not understand? Answer me when I call!"

In my opinion, a tradegy has occurred in our church today, which is we are not preaching the true Gospel nor the Bible in its entirety. We take verses out of context to apply it to our daily lives and for some people this works, but for many others it does not and as a result it skews our view of God.

You are in my heart. I know these questions you have asked and are asking, because I have asked the same ones.

becky

Submitted by Mark Lowry on May 3, 2006 - 11:34am.

As I was reading your post, Gordon, it jumped out at me. The lame man on the stretcher DIDN'T SAY THE SINNER'S PRAYER! He didn't walk 'The Romans Road'. He NEVER asked Jesus to forgive his sins, come into his heart, or to save him. Jesus did it anyway. Hmmmmm...

Submitted by SS Bluize on May 7, 2006 - 11:12pm.

I love this passage . . . verse 5 states, "when Jesus saw THEIR faith, he said to the paralytic, 'your sins are forgiven'" (caps are my editing). I heard a sermon many years ago entitled, "Love Lowered Me" with this passage as the central point. It's encouraged me to be a better friend.

Submitted by Larry on May 3, 2006 - 2:52pm.

Maybe because we don't understand God we assign metaphors to help explain it. Because I have definite ideas of Father, Mother, Shepherd, Wonderful, Counselor I get confused when I rely on these descriptions of God to help me out (especially in the Shepherd and Counselor roles). Especially when I'm asking for something besides my soul to be saved.

When I'm confused about the why's, hopefully I'll remember these words that are a part of the essay that started this whole discussion: "About the best you could do was spend as much time as possible hanging around with Jesus, hoping you would be there when he did whatever he was going to do. Most of the time, it ended up being a surprise, and frequently people discovered that their deepest need was something they could not have imagined."

Submitted by nikkirae on May 3, 2006 - 9:08pm.

That article will help me with something that God's been working on me about. Thanks.

-n

Submitted by Anonymous User on May 5, 2006 - 1:21pm.

Perseverance doesn't get the answer....it allows you to be there when God decides to move. Faith is willing to wait until it does. That will preach! As for hitting raw nerves, Zap, when I have serious reflections, many nuggets of truth hurt. I'm glad (not that your hurt) for the story of your journey, I hope for better endings for you!!! Keep on keeping on!!

Submitted by Anonymous User on May 6, 2006 - 1:38pm.

~Zap

This is a very tolerant crowd that has replied to your initial and subsequent posts. You complain that God has not answered you as He answered Job.....perhaps it would do you well to read the Lord's answer to Job in chapters 38, 39, 40 & 41. Therein lies your answer as well. Read then, especially, Job's reply to God in chapter 42 and consider his response...."Therefore I abhor myself and repent in dust and ashes".

Eileen~

Submitted by Anonymous User on May 7, 2006 - 11:50am.

Yeah, yeah. I've read that. God's a busy guy and then Job feels small. But, I might point out two things: (1) God reproves Job's friends for not supporting Job and assuming that Job must have done something wrong. (2) God grants Job an audience.

But still, my complaint stands. God seems to be doing a lousy job running the world. Consider the point about a way-ward parent. God would be found guilty in most courts of law. Read Elie Wiesel's The Trial of God.

Zap

Submitted by Anonymous User on May 7, 2006 - 7:31pm.

Zap,
God has granted you an audience too, in His very words to Job, in all of His words to us, the Scripture. It doesn't appear that you have a very high opinion of His revelation to us. I don't think God is a busy guy, I believe the whole account is to show us that God is Sovereign over all of His creation, including us and our lives and who are we to question Him. Why do you think God is doing a lousy job when He is the potter and can do what He pleases with His clay? Does that offend you? Job 28:28a "And unto man he said, Behold the fear of the Lord, that is wisdom"

Why would I want to read man's so called wisdom when I have God's truth to read? We can all find soothing answers to life in man's wisdom and his writings (and I know nothing of Elie Wiesel)but you won't find 100% truth and I would rather have truth any day even though I might not always understand it or fully comprehend it, nevertheless, it is Truth. Do you love the Truth or would you rather have the soothing words?

Eileen~

Submitted by Anonymous User on May 7, 2006 - 7:47pm.

Oh yes and by the way, biblical repentance is a change of mind, not a feeling small. Great difference. One takes place in a regenerated mind, the other in the flesh only. Just an added thought!

Eileen~

Submitted by himitsu on May 15, 2006 - 2:12am.

Interesting story

It is an interesting story. I loved it all the way. Christ is in all of us.The story makes us feel that way.