There is no kind of loneliness more lonely than
when no one in the world knows who you are. When there is no one waiting to see
what a tender and fragile thing you could take out of your chest, like someone
taking a hamster out of a cage. There is no one there, but you know exactly what
it would be like.
Your elbows and forearms are pressed against
your ribs and you hold the hamster beneath your chin. You are holding it as
tightly as you can without hurting it. The hamster is squirming and wanting
to go back to the safety of the cage, but you are going to show it to your
best friend and she is waiting, trembling and excited, her hands cupped just as
yours are cupped.
The moment of transfer is awkward. She squeals
and you both laugh. The hamster struggles wildly and almost
gets away, but she makes a desperate grab at the last moment and then it is in
her hands, shivering and afraid and completely exposed.
Your heart pounds in your chest, and it is hard
to swallow because she has your hamster now. But it looks like it is going to be
okay. She is petting it and whispering little baby words to it. And
it is calming down and peeking out from between her fingers.
You know the truth of this. You can feel it
down in the part of you that no one can take away. You KNOW this is how
it would be. But there is no one there for you right now, and you can't think of any reason to take your hamster out of
its cage at all.
rlp
