Real Live Preacher - Dear RLP

Dear RLP

Tue, 08 Jan 2008 22:15:08 -0600

Dear RLP,

Regarding your story about yourself, you said "people who cannot be completely convinced of God's existence think faith is impossible for them." What of those who go beyond this? Those who are pretty much completely convinced there is no God or gods at all, and yet still want to believe?

I'm sure you must deal with feeling like you're living a lie at times - what about the ethical issues of promoting something you don't have reason to believe is true, of teaching by example that it's ok to believe and follow something because you want it to be true and like the results? How do you reconcile this?

James

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Dear James,

I understand what you are saying, and I've struggled with the question of faith and belief for many years. I am by nature a skeptic. I don't know why; I've always been like that. I want to understand things and I don't like easy answers. And yet I am not only a part of the Church, but the pastor of a congregation. That is rather counter-intuitive, I know.

At issue is the question of how you will think about Christianity. Is it primarily a set of doctrines that one must believe? And how exactly is "believe" defined? Or is Christianity more a way of life, a set of disciplines that a person can practice regardless of his or her mental states at any given moment? For most American Christians, Christianity is mainly (in some cases only) a set of doctrines. You must believe a collection of statements, whole-heartedly and without doubts. If you can't, you're just S.O.L.

In practical life it breaks down like this for the American church: If you can't believe our doctrines, you're out. There is no place for you. Go away until you CAN believe them. If you do believe our doctrines but don't bother living a life of obedience and discipleship, well, you're in but we're going to frown at you and grumble, hoping you'll one day clean up your act.

I don't know about you, but I don't like the sound or feel of what I just described.

I think the New Testament teaches both approaches. The Gospels and James seem to call us mainly to obedience. Jesus didn't spend much time setting out a lot of theological doctrines. He said some things about God, certainly, but he spoke almost exclusively about living a life of obedience. "If you love me you will keep my commandments." Things like that. You could get the idea that Christians are those trying to live like Christ. The letters of the New Testament also call us to obedience, but make more careful theological statements. For example, the book of Romans is very doctrinal in nature.

For me the bottom line is this: I give myself to a set of central doctrines as a member of the Christian community. In a sense, my giving myself to them is a kind of willing submission. Jesus died on the cross for me. I don't really know how that works, but somehow evil is so terrible and hard to set right that it took such a thing to do the trick and drive the point home. I don't spend much time anymore worrying about exactly how that happened and how it plays out. I'm willing to submit myself to our central story as a humble member of the community.

BUT - I think that the Church ought to be open to people who say, "I don't really believe but I sense something important is going on. I would like to hang out with you for awhile -pray, sing, read the Bible, whatever - and see what happens, see where it leads me." I tell you truth, these are some of my most favorite people in the world. I so appreciate people who are intellectually careful and honest. And I would rather be in community with an agnostic person who, in her uncertainty, was willing to walk the Christian path with me, than with some person who accepts doctrines without question and never bothers to think about how she lives her life.

As for whether or not teaching and striving to believe things that are hard to believe is ethical and honest, it all depends on how honest you are about it. If you struggle with doubts and hide them for fear of your religious community, what good is that to anyone? And what kind of awful community would that be? On the other hand, if you are honest about both your doubts and your faith, then there is no reason you can't join with the community as an honest seeker.

peace,

rlp

Used with permission. The name and some wording was changed. My answer here is really an example of what I have said in a number of emails to people who ask questions like this.

Dear RLP

Fri, 24 Nov 2006 19:19:00 -0600

Dear RLP,

I've often wondered, since you're an unusual sort of Baptist, what your thoughts are on "progressive" (for lack of a better word) Christianity. I've just finished The Pagan Christ by Tom Harpur and I have been reading a lot of books by John Spong, Marcus Borg and the like. I think I would have left the church forever if not for the insights of some of the authors.

All the best,

Tina

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Dear Tina,

Much of my life has been spent trying to find a balance between progressive, or liberal Christian ideas and the conservative, evangelical Christianity of my youth. That’s probably why I’m still a Baptist. The Baptist community is broad and diverse.

I think The Church needs the full spectrum of her theology. Look, when it comes to God, our language isn’t going to cut it anyway. How descriptive can we be of a being that is utterly beyond our comprehension? The language of conservative Christianity speaks to many people. I appreciate that. Hell, I love it. It brings me to tears.

On the other hand, liberal or progressive Christianity speaks to others, myself included. There was a time when liberal theology came to my rescue. It kept me in the game, you might say, while I worked things out for myself. It also made me intellectually proud, and that is a dangerous thing. Pride, in all of its many forms, is truly a spiritual killer.

Were we to be given a glimpse of the true nature of God, I wonder if our theological differences would be vaporized in that blinding moment of enlightenment. We might come away from that experience laughing at words like liberal, conservative, doctrine, and theology.

But whether you use conservative or liberal theological language, the central issue of our faith – as I see it – is finding a passion for the life and teachings of Christ and giving yourself to Him. Becoming a disciple, as we say, and by that I mean trying to live a Christ-like life. The details of your theology are far less important than that commitment.

Trying to live as Jesus lived is a humbling experience. It tends to shatter the pride of the intellectual and subdue the dogmatism of the provincial. Christian living drives us to a place in the middle that we might call Grace.

Theology is nothing more than language. And as nice as language is, it cannot stand up to the beauty of a life given in the service of God and humanity.

Peace,

rlp

Dear RLP

Mon, 30 Oct 2006 20:49:02 -0600

Dear RLP,

I am distraught right now. I have done something terrible that I didn't mean to and it looks like it stands a good chance of destroying my marriage. I feel so lost and alone right now. I've been crying and screaming all night but I'm not doing anything stupid. I desperately hope you can give some words, perhaps your own, perhaps from the bible, that might offer some hope for me to grasp.

You are the closest I've been to a religious leader in some time because my wife and I couldn't find a church that seemed right to us when we moved. Sorry to come crawling but I don't feel like there's anyone else I could contact.

Thank you, and God bless,

Mike

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Dear Mike

Wow, this is a tough one. I don't know you or your wife. I don't know your history or any details about what you've done. I don't know if this is a first offense or another chapter in a history of behaviors that will perhaps be the straw that breaks the camel's back.

You don't need to write back and give me any more information. I simply want you to understand why I can't be specifically helpful to you as you try to figure out what to do next.

What I can say is that two people who want desperately for their marriage to work can almost always find a way to make it work. Of course, they must both desire healing and be prepared to work hard at mending the relationship. I hope that is true about you and your wife. I hope you are hurting and regretful and confused, but both still wanting to find a way to make this marriage work. If that is the case, I have one BIG word of advice.

Don't try to fix this yourself. It is likely that you will not be able to do that. If you two keep this problem a secret and try to sort it out yourselves, you will probably fail. Sometimes, when a marriage is in trouble, the things you do to try to help the situation and cope with your own grief and remorse are exactly the sort of things that cause your spouse to become sadder, angrier, more depressed, etc. Vicious cycles abound in these situations. You do your best to help her, but you only end up making her more angry. She does her best to relate to you, but you become even more isolated.

It's called being stuck. And if this is a serious as you say it is, my guess is that you are stuck already.

Sometimes you run into a couple who has been married for - I don't know, a thousand years or something - and they proudly announce that they never needed any damn counseling. They worked through their problems all by themselves, thank you very much, and look how long they have been married. But if you look closely at their relationship, the intimacy is gone. They managed to stay in the same house, but there is nothing left to the relationship except paying the bills and sharing an air conditioner.

You don't want that. So don't try to do this alone. Get help now. Find a counselor or a pastor or someone with some knowledge and experience to sit down with you and help you work through this. A serious counselor will pay close attention to your families of origin and your history as a couple. There are no shortcuts.

It's hard to get started, so MAKE YOURSELF pick up the phone and make the appointment.

You wanted hope, so here it is: If you both want a healthy marriage, and you are both willing to work - HARD, then there is hope for you. Many people find that their marriages are richer and more fulfilling after they have rebuilt them. This is your chance to set things right.

rlp

p.s. - Write me and let me know what happens, if you like. By the time you get this you can know that I've already prayed for you.

This letter, like all that I post here, is used with the permission of the one who sent it.

Dear RLP

Tue, 15 Aug 2006 23:46:26 -0500

Dear RLP,

I guess this is what I can't get past. If it never happened - if there was no son of god, no death on the cross, no resurrection, no ministry, no 12 disciples, no miracles....if it was all holy myth, then where does that leave me? My faith was built on that. Now it's all gone. I've read a lot of books that have deconstructed Christianity for me, but I don't have the faith or the intellectual ability to rebuild it. I'm sad because I've lost god, and it's my own stupid fault for exploring.

Thanks for your help,
Tina

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Dear Tina,

You are experiencing what is sometimes called The Dark Night of the Soul. You've faced some things that have upset your worldview. Turned over your apple cart, so to speak. And now you will have to choose. You can abandon your faith or you can remain faithful and see what will develop in your heart with this new journey. St. John of the Cross said that there are paths we travel as children in the faith, but real faith doesn't come until you reach the end of the path and find nothing. Nada y nada y nada.

Always remember that the New Testament word for faith also means faithfulness. If you feel you lack faith, you'll have to lean into your capacity for faithfulness. C.S. Lewis said it this way in The Screwtape Letters: When a person looks around and finds no evidence for God, and yet follows anyway, she has reached the highest levels of faith.

The Bible is a complicated collection of spiritual writings. And its history was not formed in the way that we think of history. I'm not saying that nothing in the Bible really happened. Scholars agree that there was a man named Jesus and he had disciples, for example. But much of what we find in the Bible doesn't fit our modern ways of thinking. There is a lot of paradox between these pages.

Paradox is okay. I think that when the fingers of God stick into the plenum, what you and I see will always present as paradox.

You're letting go of your Sunday School ideas. Christianity is old and deep, and smarter people than you and I have plumbed these depths and found both joy and reasons for living. I find meaning in Christianity and the scriptures. You can find it too, but you will have to work and not give up.

You're delightful to me. You're smart, driven, passionate, and you want to know the truth. I wish you lived in San Antonio. I'd love to walk with you on this path of spiritual discovery. This is your journey, and I believe in you.

rlp

ps - Don't be so quick to dismiss myth as unworthy of your devotion. There is the popular way of using the word myth to describe things that are thought to be true but are not. That's really not what myth means. Read Joseph Campbell. Myths are the dreams of humanity. They survive by a kind of natural selection process. Myths address the issues that matter most to us and communicate their ideas across ages and cultures.

In truth, everything humans say is myth. You don't even know the truth of your own life. Your memories are fading quickly. What happened yesterday is already nothing more than your incomplete interpretation of events. We live mired in three dimensions, and everything we say is warped from the moment it leaves our lips. Who knows what reality is?

Think of myth as the longing that we all share. Who cares if the creation story from Genesis is scientifically true. Do you think science can describe reality any better? Or do you think that the shattering reality of Truth/God might be so far beyond us that everything we have said and will say can only be considered children's stories?

That's what I think.

Used with permission from Tina

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Dear RLP

Wed, 09 Jan 2008 22:28:47 -0600

Dear RLP,

I have been really confused lately, so I wanted to see if you can help me out at all. This may be a really big question, but why is the Bible important? I am a Christian, and I have heard other Christians say that the Bible is God’s word, but I don’t know how they are so sure of this. Other Christians say that the Bible is inerrant, which I can’t accept just based on my own reading of it.

So here is the problem. How can anyone know that the Bible is divinely inspired? And if it’s not, then why does it have any authority? I’m really confused about this.

Andrew

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Andrew,

If I understand you correctly, you’d like to know why Christians think the Bible is inspired by God and therefore authoritative for Christian life. You would like to know how people came to believe that the teachings in the Bible have a connection to the will and desire of God.

I think these are wonderful questions, and frankly I’m stunned that more people don’t ask them. You go to church and this huge book is dropped in your lap. You’re trying to figure out what you should do with it, and everyone is talking about it as if the basic questions of its origin and nature were settled long ago. Most church people believe these writings are the words of God, so most churches begin with the assumption that you agree with them in this regard. Sometimes church people get defensive or even angry if you ask a question about the validity of the Bible. After awhile, curious people just stop asking and likely stop attending church at all.

There is no reason for us to be afraid of honest, passionate questions. People who ask questions are some of the most interesting kinds of people I know. Truth matters to them. They want to understand what the Bible is before they give it authority over their lives. That makes perfect sense to me.

I’m going to tell you the story of how the New Testament came to be. I think this story will get you started in finding the answers you seek. The Jewish scriptures, sometimes called the “Old Testament” by Christians, have a similar story behind them. Here is a warning ahead of time: There is no way to provide proof for claims about the authority of the New Testament. All we have are centuries of tradition and a natural selection process that took place in the early centuries of the Christian Church.

You should also know that there are Christian scholars who specialize in this subject. I am not one of them. I know enough to present a very basic and simplified story. There is a fair amount of disagreement and uncertainty among scholars on many of the particulars. Still, I think my version of this story will be good enough for your questions.

In the early years after the crucifixion, the friends of Jesus began to spread his teachings and story around their part of the world. They made the rather astonishing claim that Jesus had died on the cross for their sins and that God raised him on the third day. Those who accepted this message in faith and tried to live according to the way of Jesus were part of the movement that became known as Christianity.

In the beginning, those who had known Jesus told stories of his teaching, life, and work. As the friends of Jesus grew older and approached death, people began writing down these stories. This was done informally at first, but in time, more formal collections of stories formed and were called gospels, which means "good news." At the same time, Christian leaders like Paul, Peter, James, John, and some others whose names are not known, were engaged in writing letters of help and support to Christian communities around the Roman world. Some of these letters were so helpful that they too were gathered into unofficial collections.

For the next couple of centuries, the Christian movement made use of these collected writings. Those that were thought to be written by people who actually knew Jesus or were disciples of those who knew him were given priority. Some gospel collections were not thought to accurately portray the life and teachings of Jesus. These fell out of favor with the majority of Christians. Some writings fell away and others grew more popular and were revered. At some point in the 4^th century, the collection was made official and closed. Twenty-seven books were included in the New Testament. Four gospels, an account of the earliest church, and a collection of other letters and writings.

Modern Christians say many things about the New Testament. Some say that these works are the very words of God, as if God dictated them or perhaps even wrote them. Those who say this are often trying to express their deep reverence for the New Testament and may just be saying what their pastors have told them. I don’t agree with that picture of inspiration, but I try to be gentle and kind in my disagreement.

Other Christians believe that somehow the Spirit of God was present in the writing and collecting of these books. They believe God was working behind the process, allowing a lot of freedom for those who wrote and collected, but working nonetheless.

Still others might say that they don’t understand what a word like inspiration means exactly, but they know that twenty centuries of Christian tradition tell them that the writings of the New Testament reflect the teachings of Jesus and have proved valuable in keeping the Church moored to her original message of love, grace, and redemption.

As for me, I know that an ancient tradition and many testimonies of human experience stand behind the New Testament. These are the writings that have nurtured our mothers and fathers in faith across the ages. For that reason alone, I have deep respect for the Bible. My own careful study of the gospels over the years leaves me continually astounded by their depth and by the way they continue to speak powerfully to people of all cultures, all ages, and all levels of education. So I join myself with the larger Christian community in affirming these writings as scripture and using them to guide my life. The New Testament provides me with a baseline or measurement that keeps my own spiritual journey connected to the original teachings of Jesus and his friends.

My trust in the New Testament is an act of faith on my part. It is my own offering to a movement that stretches back to Jesus himself. I faithfully offer my life and belief with a full knowledge of what I am doing and why I am doing it.

rlp

This letter was reprinted with permission from Andrew.
Here are a couple of sources that provide further information and links.

Dear RLP

Wed, 09 Jan 2008 22:56:36 -0600

Dear RLP,

I have been reading your blog for about the last 9 months and look forward to it. But I have to tell you, one of your recent pieces affected me down to my heart. It is called, "Big Numbers and Little Girls."

You see, this has always been my dream with my dad, that he would have loved me this much, in a proper way. You say that a child will always matter, but I have never felt that, at least not towards myself. I haven't felt very important, or that it mattered that I was here on this planet.

I have always wondered why I wasn't protected from my dad and why all this happened to me. Let me tell you, I know what it feels like to live in fear and without real love. It takes something precious away from you. You will never be a little girl like that again. You are destroyed.

It's funny, but I don't blame God for my dad. And I have such a deep appreciation for people who love children and care for them in the way that they should.

It's just that I wish so much that I could have had that.

So, thank you for writing and for your blog.

Susan

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Dear Susan,

I get a fair amount of email from sad, grown-up little girls who missed out on what should have been their birthright. The love of a daughter for her father is such a delicate and sacred thing, though it is also very strong and durable. Fathers can make a lot of mistakes and be forgiven. Children love to forgive if you just ask them.

But it sounds like what your father did was beyond neglect or simply not being very present in your life. It sounds like he hurt you terribly, and that is an evil so dark that it takes my breath away. I don't know what this will mean so many years later and from so far away, but I'm sorry this happened to you. So sorry. You deserved better.

I don't know why some fathers cannot see that the child clinging to their legs is the most precious gift on earth and the most sacred trust. Some sell that relationship for a bowl of stew, to use a biblical image. Or worse, they destroy it outright.

Our human freedom is certainly a blessed and a terrible thing.

I hope you have found people in your life to love you. Something about the quiet, vulnerable way you expressed yourself makes me think that you have. I do hope so.

What I'm about to say borders on being a little hokey. If it is, just understand that I meant well and didn't know any other way to say it.

I know you're not a little girl anymore, except in your heart where that little girl will always live, though she may be hard to find. If I could travel back in time and find you, I want you to know that it would be an honor to be your father.

Love,

rlp

Used with permission. The name and some wording was changed.

Dear RLP

Mon, 28 Nov 2005 13:36:29 -0600

Dear RLP,

I was wondering if you might be able to clarify something for me. The pastor at my church said something this weekend that has bothered me. He is doing a series on King Solomon and was talking about Solomon’s greed. My pastor mentioned that God will judge him. I was under the impression that God doesn’t judge. Can you help me with this?

Sherrie

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Dear Sherrie,

Before I answer you, can we both agree that no one knows exactly what God thinks? You know that I’m a minister, so perhaps you think that I know a lot about God. Well, I don’t.

I also know that many people say the Bible teaches us a lot about God and what God thinks, but this makes me very uncomfortable. The Bible does say things about God’s nature, but it also preserves the mystery of God. I am convinced that the intelligence who created the cosmos is far beyond anything I can ever understand.

And if you think about it, would you really be interested in a God we COULD understand?

I can tell you things the Bible says about God, and they are things that I believe. However, I always keep in mind that in many Bible stories people are very surprised when they actually encounter God in their lives. God often turns up in unexpected ways and in places where we’d least expect to find God.

I also want you to remember that the pictures of God that are found in the Bible can never be anything more than simplistic, shadowy approximations of the real God. This is something about the Bible that you must understand. This collection of books bears the incredible burden of having to speak about God to all races, all ages, the illiterate as well as those with Ph.D.s, and to a vast number of cultures, some that date well before the age of science.

Keeping all that in mind, I can tell you that the Bible says that God does indeed judge us. Perhaps you have some rather negative ideas about judgment. Maybe you’ve been judged harshly yourself. I understand why that word has negative connotations nowadays. But when we speak of the judgment of God, it is another way of saying that God understands some things to be right and others wrong. If God knows what is righteous, how can God not judge us when we do things that work against what is right and good?

But if the God of scripture judges us, the Bible also makes it clear that this God loves and forgives us. The love and forgiveness of God also exist in a measure that is utterly beyond our ability to understand. The Bible speaks of God KNOWING us, and uses that word in a very broad and ancient way. To be known by God is to be known completely. So the God who knows when we are wrong is the same God who loves and forgives us beyond measure.

If we tried to put God into an idea that you and I can understand, we might say that God is like someone who knows all of your faults but loves you anyway. Loves you enough to die for you.

I think that idea works pretty well, don’t you? The story behind that idea is in the Bible as well.

So whether or not God was angry with Solomon for the deep hunger of his greed or for the weakness that led him to desire a thousand wives, it seems that God’s capacity to love runs as deep as God’s capacity to know a good or a bad thing when He sees it.

Peace,

rlp

Used with permission from Sherrie.

Dear RLP

Fri, 07 Oct 2005 14:34:41 -0500

Dear RLP,

You wrote something in an essay in your book called, "Why Don't You Write Something About Prayer?"

"You don't pray so you can change things in the world. It's not magic. You might ask, and you might hope for change, but ultimately changing things cannot be your motivation."

This leaves me with the question, what the heck is your motivation supposed to be? To see more of God? To be changed so that you become the answer to your prayer? I've read stuff to that effect.

With thanks, A.

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I think that if your only motivation for praying is hoping to receive something, you are likely going to be disappointed. Prayer is a long journey of listening and slowly becoming. I think the journey itself is the most important thing.

But that's a rather mysterious answer, isn't it? It's the sort of thing a person understands in hindsight. It's the kind of answer that might be true, but might not be helpful. Why don't I share with you some of my own more specific motivations for praying.

If I close my eyes and think about my own journey of prayer, here are some motivations that come to mind:

I pray in obedience to Christ, who commanded us to pray. That's probably the bottom line for me. Jesus prayed a lot. All night sometimes. If I call myself a follower of Christ, I must become humble enough to do the same, even if I do not understand prayer. (And I do NOT understand it.)
I pray out of a desire to communicate with the Creator of all that is. I have a desire to become more aware of the constant presence of God in the world. Yes, I have this crazy hope that praying might lead me in this direction. However, I'm not looking for quick fixes or even to feel good on some specific day. Even this very healthy desire can become an idol if I only pray to achieve some kind of enlightenment
I pray to honestly express my desires for myself and for others. In this, I pray very much as a child would pray. What God does with these intercessions, I do not know. It doesn't seem important to me at this stage of the game.
I pray because I am very small and the intelligence behind the universe is very large. Prayer is humbling, and proper humility is a good thing.
I pray because I want to. I like it. Just today I sat before a beautiful fountain, listening and whispering small prayers. I enjoy praying, especially a contemplative and meditative sort of praying. I find it more relaxing now that I've quit thinking of prayer as a job or a chore.

If you desire to know about prayer, that desire is a wonderful place to start. You don't need manuals or instructions. Just sit quietly and be honest if and when you speak.

rlp

Used with permission from A. Slightly edited from the original.