It’s hard to know what to do when you have friends whose children are sick or hurt or dying. You want to do something, of course, but what should you do?

I’ll tell you. Do what they want and need you to do. You have to find out what that is. When you know, just do it. Some very close friends will have intimate things to do. They will help in intimate ways. Other friends will listen and watch and be a listening ear when needed. You can pay attention. You can remember that it’s all about them. It’s not about who loves them more or who is a closer friend. Just quietly find out what you should do and then do it. And if it seems right to back off, do that. Just back off and wait. I can’t tell you how to find out what you should do. But if you are gentle and cautious and more quiet than loud, and if you’re trying hard to find out what you should do, you’re probably okay.

I currently have two friends in this situation.

Rohan is a man who did a lot of the work on this blog. He works with Tim at Jethro in Australia. He has a daughter who was born without eyes. Her name is Caitlyn. I am in no way a close friend of the family. But I know the work Rohan has done, so I feel that I know him in some small way. I know about Caitlyn. I’ve prayed for Caitlyn. The family has a website for her, and it seems to be a really nice thing for them when people visit and drop them a note to let them know. Rohan has recently written about their first year with Caitlyn.

Maybe it helps them feel less alone when people drop by to read. And when you have a child who is sick or hurting or facing some kind of challenge, you can feel very alone sometimes.

If you are a praying person, you can read about Caitlyn and pray. If not, you can read about her and think and nod. You can send a quick note of encouragement. Those are small things but also good things.

I think I will write Caitlyn’s name into our church prayer book, the one I look at every Sunday when we pray for people. She can join Zane, who is a young man that we pray for because his father asked us to, even though we’ve never met him.

So I'm putting Caitlyn in the book with Zane. That’s a small thing for me to do. Don't be ashamed of doing small things. I think most of the really great things that happen are small things.

I’m also sad to tell you that Thomas Bickle has died. Thomas is the son of two dear friends. (I don't think any of us are ready to say "was" yet.) I am not one of their very closest friends, but I’ve always considered Sarah and Scott to be kind of secret, special friends. The kind you don't see much because life didn't put you close to each other geographically, but when you do see them it's great. Especially Sarah, whom I’ve loved as if she was a little sister for years now, ever since she was in 8th grade and I met her at a Bible study. Sarah wrote a guest blog here about her last days with Thomas.

For Sarah, I watched the phone in case she called needing to talk. That was my small thing. And going to the funeral with David Gentiles was something I was supposed to do. I felt that inside. David had to speak at the funeral. I only had to sit and watch and listen and allow myself to be sad with them.

When you have friends with sick and hurting children, you don’t have to be a hero. You just have to find the small things you should do, and do them.

Be small.
Be present.
Be watching.
Be listening.
Be quiet.
Be gentle.

Remember those things and you’ll be fine.

rlp